Ask Sis Dolly: My lover threatens to hurt me

By Drum Digital
05 February 2016

I’m a 21-year-old guy, and involved in a same-sex relationship with a guy who is the same age, but he’s in Matric.

I love him deeply but I’m sometimes afraid of him. He’s currently receiving counselling for anger issues.

I’ve run to and slept with two other guys after violent episodes; one of them is his brother.

It’s killing me to keep this secret. He once said he’d take both our lives if I left him or cheated on him. How do I tell him?

Sis Dolly answers

No healthy relationship is based on fear and violence on any level is unacceptable.

I also don’t understand why you’d fall into the arms of another man every time your lover has a violent episode.

Are you so grateful for them putting you up that you repay them with sex? What is this victim-rescuer-sexual currency thing about?

There are too many deaths in this country at the hands of abusive partners so don’t take the threat lightly, or it could result in an attempted or actual killing.

You need to find a place of safety.

Meanwhile, you both need individual counselling to deal with some deep-seated issues.

Contact Sadag on 0800-121-314 or Famsa on 011-975-7106/7 for counselling and support.

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