How to apologise to your partner

By Drum Digital
25 August 2014

Some pointers on how to lose your ego and find it in you to note your mistake/s.

We know it's the right thing to do but it can at times be one of the most difficult things to do.

How do we get past our pride and back to the bigger picture?

If you feel you've been wronged, how do you bring yourself to acknowledging your part in the conflict as well?

Here are some pointers on how to lose your ego and find it in you to note your mistake/s:

Get over the "winner/loser" myth

Apologising first doesn't make any one of you the loser or winner, it simply means peace in your relationship is more important than having the final say.

What we do for our partner should have nothing to do with what they do for us.

If your partner is hurt, whether it makes sense to you or not, you should apologise. A primary relationship goal for every couple should be to protect the heart of the other.

The apology shouldn't be followed by a "but" 

An apology is ineffective if it is tied to something negative or meant to shift blame. A quick way to spot this mistake before you make it is to stop yourself from saying "I'm sorry about doing/not doing ABC, BUT..."

Take full responsibility for your actions and your part in hurting the person you love. You can't really be sorry when you're being defensive.

Show sincerity

Remove yourself from the equation and try to see things completely from your partner's point of view.

Don't apologise simply to "shut him/her up". The level of sincerity is quite obvious, so check your intent before saying anything.

Know that you are personally responsible for making it right

Only positive can come from both partners consistently approaching the relationship thinking “I have to make this right” whether they were right or wrong.

Remember that the ultimate goal is to cultivate a mutual happiness, this means there needs to constantly be a mutual effort being made towards improving the relationship's dynamics.

-BLACKANDMARRIEDWITHKIDS

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