How to rekindle the romance after a baby (1/2)

By Drum Digital
18 February 2015

DRUM reader and new mom Inga Hlatshwayo shares how she managed to revive her relationship.

The birth of your first child can test even the rosiest relationship. There is excitement around the new bundle of joy which is an amazing experience for new parents; however there are other things that tend to suffer in the relationship while the hype of the new born escalates.

When the new addition the family graces the new parents with its presence, couples automatically fall under the stresses and strains of parenthood. One partner will tend to feel neglected by the other partner, especially for black couples when the new mother would move in with her own mother for the extra support whilst their partner still has their freedom from day-to-day parenting.

The major factor that couples face is lack of support. For the new mother everything changes and at this point mothers struggle with this new reality of being a mother and the time before when they were the hot woman they were before baby’s arrival. In most cases you find partners still wanting to hang around with “the boys” while the mother as the primary giver feels all this new pressure alone. It’s actually an envious feeling that as woman you have given birth, your weight has readjusted itself to places you did not think were possible, you’re no longer the Beyoncé of your life and now you’re also breastfeeding. Exhaustion and trying to feel sexy do not quite go hand in hand - and then you look at your partner – he’s still the same person, his clothes fit him and he also hangs out with the same friends. Yes, it sounds dramatic and possibly terrifying but worse has happened.

Don’t be in despair a lot of healthy relationships do overcome the new baby phase. We have come a long way, have pulled together and so can you. Couples should be aware that the tension is the result of new responsibilities, demands and not forgetting, the incredible new chapter in your life.  Once you start to realise the significance of this journey that you’re embarking on, things will fall into place. Babies bring so much joy and it’s only fair that your partner embraces and rejoices in that moment with you and your baby.

If you both love each other and have a solid foundation, the “new baby phase” will eventually pass and you can move forward in partnership in raising your child. Yes, it does take time but you will get there, what is important to remember is to appreciate and value each other.

Inga Hlatshwayo is a PR Account Executive

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