Moving Forward after Infidelity

By Drum Digital
30 May 2014

You had an affair, how to fix things

Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, here are tips from Dr. Phil to help you move forward.

Did you have an affair?

  • Own the problems that you created by having an affair. You cannot change what you don't acknowledge.

  • It is unfair to compare a new, exciting, taboo fantasy relationship to one you've been in for years where there are kids, bills to pay, a house to run and noses to wipe. That is a ridiculous comparison.

  • In order to resolve your relationship, contact with "the other person" must be cut off 100%. You can't work on dealing with the consequences of the affair while you're still having it.

  • Don't rely on your heart to tell you what to do; rely on your intellect. Do what logic tells you is the right thing to do.

  • Make the hard decisions. Either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay. Remember, checking out of one relationship before you finish it appropriately doesn't work.

  • Ask yourself: What are you doing to help your partner get past the affair?

  • Be mature enough to recognize that life is not always all about you and what feels good for you in the moment. If you are married and have children, you have an obligation and a commitment that far transcends what feels good.

  • Help the partner who did not have the affair find emotional closure. You must do whatever it takes until your partner finds it. If it requires you to check in with your spouse multiple times a day, then do it. It'll require you being where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be, 24 hours-a-day, seven days-a-week, so your spouse can trust you again. And you do it until.

www.dr.phil.com

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