Nina's Big Lie 1/3

By Drum Digital
22 January 2014

What is Nina hiding from her boyfriend?

You can’t plan how you’re going to respond to things.

That morning my heart was beating faster by the second, my palms were sweating and my head was spinning like crazy. The rational side of me was telling me to grab my bag quickly and leave.

To go home and deactivate my account, delete all the messages, pictures, songs, block his number and move on with my life.

The other side of me was forcing me to remain seated. I had waited months for this day and dreamed about it. Surely it shouldn’t matter?

I tried to tell myself that he’d look past the biggest lie of all. He had said he loved me so many times, and that I filled the void the death of his father had left in him.

Yes, I was wrong to deceive him for so long – but once I started, it was difficult for me to turn back and tell him the truth.

I stuck to the lie and carried on. Deep down I knew it was wrong. But I was out of control – I had fallen madly in love with him.

I was so far gone that the lie soon became second nature. I believed it myself and soonit didn’t even feel like lying.

He was 10 minutes late for our first faceto-face meeting. Maybe he had changed his mind, I thought.

And now he didn’t want to come anymore. Or maybe he had also been feeding me lies all these months and had finally come to his senses. Had he realised that he was playing with fire – and the whole thing would end badly?

If so, good for him, I had thought.

The bitter thoughts went on: What in the world was I doing still sitting here? How badly I wanted to turn the clock back 10 months and do it all over again – in a different way.

If I had, one of my close friends would still be my friend. And maybe I’d have been in a relationship. Or living as a happy single in a world full of possibilities.

Either would have been far better than the boat I now found myself in.

My friend Julia had brought us together on Facebook, telling me that I needed to be more spontaneous and meet new people.

Since she never took no for an answer, I let her do as she pleased. His name was Thabo Nxumalo. Soon Thabo and I were spending hours online together – during the day and often also at night.

Soon we exchanged numbers and moved on to three-hour phone calls.

Then I fell for him. I still hadn’t met him but it was the way he spoke, the way he respected me and took an interest in my life, the good and bad days. He seemed to know what to say. I had never experienced that real kind of interest in me.

People always had a motive for being there for me.

But he didn’t know the truth about me to be able to fake it.

We soon confessed our feelings to each other and he was the first to say those all-important three words to me, over the phone. We started discussing our future together and the things we’d do to make it happen.

How we’d raise our kids, where we’d live and the people we’d surround ourselves with.

Then, from that day forward, I knew there was no one else who could really love, respect, care for and understand me.

That’s when we realised we needed to meet, to make it official and be a couple. I was excited and ready. I would be that girl who got her fairy-tale ending.

My father would know that Thabo was the right man for me – who would give me the love I deserved. And Thabo’s father would be glad his son had found a girl with whom to settle down – and treat her just as he would want his own daughter to be treated by a man.

Every day I went shopping to look for the perfect outfit for my meeting with Thabo.

I wanted something cute and sexy – an outfit to remember. The type I could pull out of the closet ten years down the line and watch his face light up as he remembers the night we first met.

The plans were going well and I could hardly wait to meet this man whom I had fallen so madly in love with and with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

-by Tshenolo Molaphene

To be continued...

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