Pam Andrews' secret pain

By Drum Digital
03 November 2010

IT’S been a while since we’ve seen or heard from Pam Andrews. The 25- year-old singer and actress used to be regular tabloid fodder, attending functions in outfits that left little to the imagination and indulging in behaviour wild enough to make even Khanyi Mbau blush. But since her wedding in 2008 the party babe has been scarce. In fact, apart from the occasional appearance on the Jozi social scene, we’ve barely seen her over the past two years.

Which is why, when Pam agreed to talk to us about her role as Gail on Rhythm City and how she’s adapting to marriage, we were thrilled – a nice catch-up, we thought.What we got, however, was several hours of Pam pouring out her heart about the darkest time of her life – months of sorrow and depression that made her hit the bottle hard and nearly ruined her marriage.

The heartache is the reason she’s been so quiet; she needed to rebuild her life and get back on her feet, she says.

Initially it’s hard to tell Pam has been through so much. She enters the plush Jozi hotspot Zar, her booming laugh and bubbly personality lighting up the room. In typical Pam style her curvy figure is shown off to perfection in a tight black dress and thigh-high boots, her trademark bright red lipstick is in place and sexy long braids hang down her back.

But no sooner has she settled down than the laughter vanishes and an earnest look creeps into her almond-shaped eyes. “I’ve changed,” she says. “I’ve grown up a lot, and I’m not as selfish as I used to be.”

She’s clearly deeply in love with her husband, Cedric Thivlin (27), a French civil engineer who moved to SA to work on the Gautrain project. “He’s always been a wonderful man but lately when I’ve needed him the most, he’s been especially amazing. He’s helped me through the most difficult time in my life.”

Then she blurts out, “I had two miscarriages this year. I couldn’t handle it – I blamed myself and really went off the rails. But he pulled me through...”

Her outburst seems to have taken even her by surprise and she stops talking for a while, trying to blink away the tears gathering in her eyes. She takes a deep breath and apologises for losing her composure.

Despite the hot lipstick and the sizzling outfit there’s no trace of the happy-go-lucky, super-confident sexpot here – just a woman in pain.

ALTHOUGH both she and Cedric knew they wanted children at some stage they hadn’t planned on falling pregnant. “It just happened and we were so excited,” she says.

She found out she was expecting in January this year but six weeks later disaster struck and she had a miscarriage. “I was a mess,” she says.

“I was depressed and I blamed myself. I was ready to change my life, stop all the partying and late nights and be a good mommy. I didn’t realise how much I wanted a child until I lost the baby. I didn’t want to talk about it to anyone, not even my husband.”

In a bid to escape the pain she went back to her hard-partying ways. “I started drinking heavily, going out all the time.I fell into this big party crowd. I didn’t want to think about things and my marriage started to suffer – we were fighting all the time.”

After a while she “came to her senses”, she adds. “I spoke to my mom, specialists and my gynaecologist a lot and started to believe that these things happen, that it wasn’t my fault. It was tough but we made it through. I went back to focusing on my husband and our marriage, and things got better.”

Read the full article in DRUM of 11 November 2010

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