Sis Dolly: My abusive married lover scares me

By Drum Digital
31 March 2015

Calls me names and will wait for nightfall to beat me then he will pamper me in the morning.

I'm 27 and have been involved with a married man for six years. We have a four year old child. He's very abusive, calls me names and will wait for nightfall to beat me then he will pamper me in the morning. He has even threatened to kill me. I am scared. Please help me.

Sis Dolly answers:

This man is using you as a punching bag and you're allowing him to. You need to go and lay a charge at your local police station and get a restraining order against him. I always encourage communication and understanding, but this is hard to do within a context of abuse. As you're not married to him, I advise you stay away from him. The cycle of abuse is exactly as you describe it: The abuser will beat the woman then apologise profusely the next day and there will be a brief honeymoon period until the next time. It's not unique to you and it won't stop. If he's threatened to kill you, there's a chance he will follow through. Every eight hours in South Africa a woman is killed by her partner. Please get some help: People Opposing Women Abuse on 011 642 4245 or Agisanang Domestic Abuse Prevention and Training on 011 440 4047-and avoid becoming a statistic.

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