Warning signs that your relationship is in trouble

By Drum Digital
03 December 2015

Would you describe your relationship as healthy, or on the brink of admission to the Intensive Care Unit?

By Vida Li Sik

Would you describe your relationship as healthy, or on the brink of admission to the Intensive Care Unit?  How do you know the difference?

A healthy relationship starts with trust in yourself and each other, similar beliefs and outlook on life, respect, and realistic expectations.

It should also include accepting and tolerating each other, not being judgemental and being flexible enough to give your partner the space they need to do things on their own sometimes. There should also be freedom to explore and show emotions. Instead of competing with each other, you should celebrate and be quick to praise each other’s achievements.

No relationship is perfect. But, if you spot the following warning signs, it’s time to take action:

YOUR PARTNER IS JEALOUS AND CHECKS WHERE YOU ARE

It’s normal for a concerned partner to call or text when you’re running late or deviate from your usual schedule. It shows they care. What isn’t healthy is when you can’t spend time out with friends or visit family without your partner demanding to know who you’re going to see, giving you a curfew or constantly texting you, asking when you’ll be home.

The solution: Talk to your partner and express your appreciation for their concern, but also the importance of spending time with other people on your own. Agree to let them know once you’ve arrived and when you leave. If they get angry at your suggestion you should be concerned.

YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO CHANGE THE WAY YOUR LOOK

If you start changing who you are for your partner, you lose your identity to please someone else.

Solution: Be confident and take a stand. Say, “This is who I am so accept me.” If your partner’s unwilling, you need to ask yourself if this is the kind of person you want to be with. Don’t try and change your partner: be proud and show them off, and also show your appreciation.

NAME CALLING WHEN STRESSED

Being rude or name-calling is never acceptable, no matter if you’re stressed or frustrated. Beware; it can quickly escalate into a cycle of tit-for-tat.

Solution: Look and see if the source of the problem is with you, your partner or both of you. If the fault lies with you, ask, “What can I do to change this?” If it’s your partner, say “I really don’t like this (the way you’re spoken to), when the time’s right, let’s talk.”

YOUR PARTNER BUYS YOU A GIFT TO SAY SORRY

Peace offerings are always welcome as a gesture of goodwill, although women shouldn’t take advantage of their men by picking a fight to get what they want.

But if the gift follows an episode of emotional or even physical abuse, then it’s a different story.

Solution: Don’t accept the gift. Say to your partner, “You need help. Go for counselling.” If you don’t, it will happen again.

BLAMESHIFTING WHEN YOU ARGUE

Failure to take responsibility for one’s actions starts from a young age. If it’s left unchecked it creates individuals who refuse to own up and would rather focus on making their partner feel bad or convince them that it’s their fault.

Solution: Be honest and say, “I can’t be blamed for your bad feelings. I’m sorry you feel this way. I can’t take away your feelings but we can look at the issue differently and together we can tackle this problem.”

Find Love!

Men
Women