What you DON'T have to do in marriage

By Drum Digital
06 October 2014

It’s important to remind couples of the things they don’t have to do, that they may have assumed were necessary for their marriage.

When we marry we sometimes think we have to be our spouse’s everything. We feel as though our life stops in order for this new life to begin.  Both are incorrect.

For healthier partnerships, let’s be reminded of the 5 things we are not required to:

You aren’t there to complete your partner

Marriage should not be entered into to fill a void, to heal a broken heart or even make you happy. We should possess our own sense of peace and happiness before we say “I Do”.

You don’t have to drop everything that matters to you

Your partner was attracted to you for who you are. Marriage should not replace your dreams, the hobbies you enjoyed, or the life you lived, which included time with your family and friends. The only reason you should stop these is if they were harming you and/or your relationship. A loving partner will always encourage you to grow as an individual.

You don’t have to lie or suffer in silence

Speak up if things are bothering you. Healing comes from honesty and seeking solutions to challenges in relationships. Save your relationship by being honest and sharing your truth in a loving and solution-focused way.

You shouldn’t have to be guarded

In a dating relationship it makes sense to protect your secrets or share a little at a time, until you feel completely comfortable. It’s expected in a dating relationship because you are still getting to know that person. You should be able to completely trust your husband/wife with your heart. A safe space should be created in a marriage where both partners are able to be vulnerable and share their innermost truth.

You don’t always have to say “yes”

While we want to support every one of our spouse’s dreams, we also have to be realistic by pointing out the risks as well as the rewards. We must remember it is a partnership and our partners will appreciate our loving honesty.

- BLACK AND MARRIED WITH KIDS

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