Groundhog day in Jozi
2007-05-28 11:17
Brandon Faber, News24 User
"It's cold out there.. It's cold out there everyday" said Bill Murray, waking up to another freezing morning in the movie of similar title to this rant. (Yes, I am that unoriginal.)
Winter haveth arrived campers and, with it, the same cold weather the southern hemisphere has experienced since the beginning of time.
Winter also seems to have caught perennial underachiever, Eskom, with its pants down and stumbling around in the dark asking people to "conserve" - in temperatures akin to the collective IQ of those who run the giver of power to this land.
This is what happens when you have a monopoly... but I don't want to get into the piss-poor state of planning and economic failings of Eskom. Rather, I'd like to respond in kind to a "poll question" I saw on a certain news website.
"Have you bought a heater this winter?"
Why buy a heater?
At the time of writing this, 81% of South Africa's most careless and despicable elements confirmed suspicions that they have, indeed, made some added provisions to fight the winter cold.
I can openly declare that I have not bought any new heaters for this winter. That's right, I plan on freezing my two best friends off in the name of energy conservation - sacrificing my sexual well-being for the cause. Bloody noble, aren't I?
Yup, this winter I pledge to unplug my fridge at night and transfer all perishables to the patio table where they should stay nice and cool. I will repack everything in the mornings and leave home as late as possible to save a few volts more.
On top of that I vow to take cold showers throughout the coming months. (Since the loss of the lads is a certainty, taking cold showers should, at least, be a little less painful.)
On top of the above sacrifice I plan to braai everything I eat, thereby negating the need for the oven on a permanent basis. Being of Afrikaans heritage, this is more of a pleasure than a pain and I invite all of you over to my place for braai'd everything.
The sacrifices we make...
Of course my efforts to conserve energy includes saying goodbye to coffee or tea, leaving me with nothing but booze to drink which, all things considered, should make for a rather epic winter.
Since the price of petrol is going up by another 27 cents in June I will also not be driving to work - in an attempt to save whatever money I have left for the psychiatric treatment of my girlfriend, who will have to sit on the handlebars of whatever second-hand BMX I plan to purchase this weekend.
So do me a favour, won't you? When you are driving along to work, somewhere in the northern suburbs of Jo'burg, and you see two people precariously balanced on a rusted BMX, frozen stiff, cursing and carrying packets of freshly braai'd Wheatbix - please hoot and throw scolding hot coffee our way as a sign of your appreciation for the sacrifices made by others so that you can feel less guilty about purchasing something as obscene as a heater in winter.
Thanks for the proactive planning Eskom. Love your work!
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