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HELP: "I think I am related to my lover"

By Faeza
24 March 2017

Anonymous from Kagiso writes:

I’m 21 years old and in love with a 27-year-old

man. Unfortunately, he has a wife and a child.

I didn’t know he had a wife until she called me

and threatened me. The guy told me he loves me

as much as he loves his wife and that they are not

officially married. He claims that they just have a

child together. The guy’s father recently found out

about us and told me that there is a possibility that

I could also be his daughter. It looks like the father

had an affair with my mother when they were

younger. I’m confused and don’t know what to do

Sis Naledi answers:

Wilma Calvert, a community worker and facilitator

at The Family Life Centre in Johannesburg, says,

“There are several issues that need to be sorted

out. Your feelings for this person seem to be based

on an illusion – the person that you think he is.

This, in turn, has been formed by what he has told

you. Do you really know him? He is married and

has a child. He cheated on his wife. How do you

trust such a person? A paternity test will clear up

whether you are in fact the daughter of the man

who is claiming to be your father. Your confusion

is understandable, but don’t allow your feelings

to override what you need to do. Examine the

facts of your situation.”