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HELP: "My husband refuses to divorces me but he is living with another woman"

By Faeza
17 March 2017

Anonymous from Daveyton writes:

My husband and I have been married for

three years and separated a year ago. We

experienced problems in our marriage and

decided to get a divorce. The only problem is that

he doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers even

though he has cheated and is living with his new

girlfriend. His brothers, parents and aunts know

about his new girlfriend and have even met her.

I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to sign

the divorce papers because we don’t have any

assets to share. For the past two months, he has

been talking about fixing things and making our

marriage work, but is still living with his new

girlfriend. He says one thing to me and something

else to her. I’m tired of the cheating and lies.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

Move Expert answers:

Jennifer Papers, a counselling social worker at The

Family Life Centre in Joburg, says, “You have to

remember that the reason people cheat in the first

place is for the excitement of having to hide and

lie. They enjoy being in a relationship with

someone without the stress of paying bills and

having responsibilities. It also has to do with

control issues. For him, giving up control by

granting you the divorce might be difficult for him.

You need to gain control of your life. You need

to seek legal advice regarding this issue. There

is no need for you to sit around and wait for him

to sign the divorce papers. Should he be serious

about fixing your marriage and you agree to this,

you will need to seek marriage counselling to help

you solve your problems. Him talking about fixing

things and taking action by moving out of his

girlfriend’s place are two different things.”