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How to deal with a man who spends money on younger women

By Faeza
22 March 2017

I MUST be honest that I kind of accepted that my husband would probably cheat on me at

some point. But nothing could have prepared me for this; my husband is a blesser to a much younger woman. I don’t know how he does it, because I know all that happens with our money. She is probably about 19 years old, a student and he is 53. I cannot believe that my husband has become one of those men. Can’t he find a grown woman, at least? How do I confront him without disclosing that I once followed him?

Linda Yende responds:

IT’S completely understandable if you feel devastated. Below are five suggestions to keep

in mind as you figure out whether or not you would like to stay together with your partner

after this incident.

1Stop thinking about her age:

So what if she is 19 years old and much younger than you and him? Age is not a factor here. He cheated. Would it have made it better if he had cheated on you with someone your own age? Of course it wouldn’t. You also cannot say why doesn’t he find a grown woman. It doesn’t justify it.

2 Be honest with yourself:

Sure, he was the one who wasn’t honest with you, but now that you know for a fact, it’s time for you to be honest with yourself. If you want the marriage to work, you must assess the entirety of the situation and determine whether or not it’s actually worth saving.

3 Know who you are, and be comfortable with it:

For goodness sake, do not start acting younger. Just because he is having an affair with a younger woman doesn’t mean he liked everything about her. In fact, there’s probably only one thing that he was after, and it wasn’t her immaturity.

4 Evaluate your sexual health:

Your husband is cheating on you with a younger girl and only likes having sex with her. That’s all there is to it. And any healthy marriage requires a good sex life. But the sex should stay between the wife and the husband. If you don’t find yourself sexually healthy, then take steps to change it. Get tested for HIV as well because you don’t know the sexual history of this girl.

5 Ask yourself if this may happen again:

Could it be possible that this was a once-off thing? Everyone makes mistakes. Yeah, his mistake was stupid, and hurtful, but it was a mistake, right? Maybe it wasn’t. You know your husband better than anyone else, and you should be able to see whether or not his affair was a mistake or whether it’s something that is likely to happen again.

FINANCIAL SIDE

Let us talk about the financial side of this discussion. Blessers and sugar daddies woo younger ladies by giving them financial benefits. If you are not seeing any changes or impact in your finances, could it be possible that they are in a relationship and that he is

not necessarily spending money to win her over? I am bothered by the fact that you were already expecting him to have an affair and are more worried about the age of this lady than her existence in his life. You don’t mention it, but it seems as if you have prior experience with his infidelity. It seems as if that is another issue that needs to be dealt with. Get to the root cause of your marital problems. The younger woman is a symptom and not the cause of your problems. Confront him, tell him about your initial suspicion of his behaviour which led to you following him.