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How to tell if he's not into you

By Faeza
29 July 2016

BLACK cOUPLE

My question is short and sweet. How do I tell whether he is into me or not? They say that

men are not as communicative and as demonstrative of their affection as women are. So how do I tolerate his actions and all the manly pride.

CONFUSED

The short answer is: Don’t tolerate him. If you have to decode, it means he has not

made his feelings and his intentions clear. And the onus is on him to do so. Here’s the long answer:

Let us start with the negatives.

HOW TO TELL IF HE IS NOT INTO YOU

The most obvious signs are:

¦ He never calls, it is only you who does the calling.

¦ When you do call him, he is very happy to hear from you. But the moment you are done, it is out of sight out of mind for him.

¦ He only ever responds to your contact (mail, texts, BBM, WhatsApp), but never initiates contact himself.

¦ Whenever you have to do something together, you are the one who always drives the process. You have to keep pushing for him to make time for you.

¦ The only time he makes an effort to see you, is when he wants to get together for sex. As you may have noticed, I have tried to keep these actions generic, so that they cover both the instances in which you are already involved with one another, as well as cases

where you have only just met.

SOME BORDERLINE CASES

¦ You meet him and exchange numbers and then he takes a few days before he calls.

¦ You go out for a date and after the date he says he had a great time, but then doesn’t call for a few days.

¦ You chat occasionally, speak for a while, then he disappears again.

¦ He seems to be dating other people and you are shag-mates.

STUPID RULES

Now, let me tell you why I consider the above borderline cases. Some guys, like women, follow some stupid rules like “the three-day rule”, which states that once a woman has given you her number, you have to wait three days before you call her.

They say this is a control thing, so that she doesn’t think you are desperate.

Keep her waiting a bit. The same applies after you have been on a date. (In both cases, I would say no guy who is truly into you would care about stupid rules, but some guys

are set in their ways, so let us leave those as borderline cases).

If he chats with you often, then disappears just as much, it could be that he is still trying to figure you out.

Ladies, we also have fragile egos.

And our minds also work overtime trying to figure you out.

So, as a man, I could chat with you occasionally, then go away to see if you will miss me, or initiate contact at some point as well.

Because believe me, we also do not want to waste time and energy on somebody who is not that into us.