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"I lied to my man about having a child"

By Faeza
08 December 2016

Heartbroken writes:

I LIED to my boyfriend of two years and now he has left me. It was stupid. When I first

met him, I never told him that I have a child, but I planned to tell him once I was aware

of where the relationship was going. But unfortunately every time I planned to tell him,

he would talk about how he never wanted to date a woman with a child and that just made

me more and more anxious. Before I knew it, two years had passed. He recently found out

accidentally from my sister because he is now starting to get to know my family as he was

planning to pay lobola. He was upset and felt betrayed. Now he wants nothing to do with me. I know for a fact that it was not worth it. How can I get him back?

First things first, if you want any chance of getting him back you are going to have to

step away for a while. Don’t call, text, email, Facebook or see him in person for at least

30 days. I know that seems a bit harsh, but most experts recommend going for 90 days with no contact. Your first reaction, especially as you know you did your ex wrong, is to constantly call him to try to patch things up as soon as possible. That is the last thing you want to do because most likely your boyfriend is going to be extremely angry at you, in turn making you angry as well and when emotions run high, logic runs low.

TIME TO HEAL

Have you ever been lied to? If not, trust me when I say that it really hurts. You feel betrayed, not good enough and insignificant all at once. By implementing a 30-day no contact rule, you are going to accomplish three things:

?You are going to give your ex some time to heal.

? You are going to give yourself some time to think about whether you really want him back.

? You are going to make your ex feel a bit of separation anxiety and give him a chance to miss you as well.

RUNNING INTO YOUR EX

When the time finally comes to reach out to your ex-boyfriend, what exactly are you supposed to say? Men are very visual creatures. If I were to run into an ex and she looks horrible I would think thank goodness I am not with her anymore. However, if I run into an ex and she looks better than she did before, I am going to think my God, she looks amazing. As much as she may have wronged me, how she looks will always be at the

back of my mind.

APOLOGIES DON’T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE

Do no apologise again. Not only is this a horrible way to start off, but apologies don’t mean anything anymore. If you really want to get your ex back, you are going to have to show him why you are sorry. I highly recommend you send him a text message because you can’t get angry and raise your voice and it gives you time to think before you send each message. I don’t recommend calling him because I feel it is too much too soon. Expect that he will

have a lot of trust issues as he was lied to about such an important issue. You will have to go out of your way to reassure him that you are trustworthy and the best way to do that is with your actions