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Is your man another woman's blesser?

By Faeza
06 January 2017

I must be honest that I kind of accepted that my husband would probably cheat on me at some point. But nothing could have prepared me for this; my husband is a blesser to a much younger woman. I don’t know how he does it, because I know all that happens with our money.

She is probably about 19 years old, a student and he is 53. I cannot believe that my husband has become one of those men. Can’t he find a grown woman, at least? How do I confront him without disclosing that I once followed him?

It’s completely understandable if you feel devastated. Below are five suggestions to keep

in mind as you figure out whether or not you would like to stay together with your partner

after this incident.

1. Stop thinking about her age:

So what if she is 19 years old and much younger

than you and him? Age is not a factor here. He

cheated. Would it have made it better if he had

cheated on you with someone your own age? Of

course it wouldn’t. You also cannot say why doesn’t

he find a grown woman. It doesn’t justify it.

2. Be honest with yourself:

Sure, he was the one who wasn’t honest with

you, but now that you know for a fact, it’s time for

you to be honest with yourself. If you want the

marriage to work, you must assess the entirety of

the situation and determine whether or not it’s

actually worth saving.

3. Know who you are, and be comfortable with it:

For goodness sake, do not start acting younger.

Just because he is having an affair with a younger

woman doesn’t mean he liked everything about

her. In fact, there’s probably only one thing that he

was after, and it wasn’t her immaturity.

4. Evaluate your sexual health:

Your husband is cheating on you with a younger

girl and only likes having sex with her. That’s all there

is to it. And any healthy marriage requires a good sex life.

But the sex should stay between the wife and the

husband. If you don’t find yourself sexually healthy,

then take steps to change it. Get tested for HIV as well

because you don’t know the sexual history of this

girl.

5. Ask yourself if this may happen again:

Could it be possible that this was a once-off

thing? Everyone makes mistakes. Yeah, his mistake

was stupid, and hurtful, but it was a mistake, right?

Maybe it wasn’t. You know your husband better

than anyone else, and you should be able to see

whether or not his affair was a mistake or whether it’s

something that is likely to happen again.

FINANCIAL SIDE

Let us talk about the financial side of this discussion.

Blessers and sugar daddies woo younger ladies by

giving them financial benefits. If you are not seeing

any changes or impact in your finances, could it be

possible that they are in a relationship and that he is

not necessarily spending money to win her over?

I am bothered by the fact that you were already

expecting him to have an affair and are more

worried about the age of this lady than her existence

in his life. You don’t mention it, but it seems as if you

have prior experience with his infidelity. It seems as

if that is another issue that needs to be dealt with.

Get to the root cause of your marital problems.

The younger woman is a symptom and not the

cause of your problems. Confront him, tell him

about your initial suspicion of his behaviour which

led to you following him.