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Must I give in to this guy’s demands?

By admin
02 November 2013

“I am a 32-year-old woman who has been lonely for most of her life. Last month, I met a man who has been supportive and caring towards me. My problem is that he has asked me to spend the weekend at his place. I have avoided the subject for a long time, because I know that he will want sex. It is not easy to just give yourself to somebody whom you have recently met. I am also nervous to make love to him, because it has been long time since I had sex. Must I give in to this guy’s demands?” –

Sharon, Delft

Dr. Eve says

You have answered your own question: you are not ready for this big step. You are thinking of it as a “demand”. This is not the right condition under which to have sex with a new person. Before you have sex with someone, you have to feel comfortable and safe within yourself and with this new person. You should also know each other’s HIV status, and negotiate condom use and contraception. Have you done this yet?

I so wish you would tell him exactly what you have written here. You are so honest about how you feel. He needs to know this. He needs to know you like him and that you are not rejecting him, but that you just have the right to take more time. I suggest you start touching your own body, start to think sexy thoughts for yourself and masturbating so you can win confidence back in your own sexuality. This will help prepare your body and your heart to be sexual with this man.