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Signs that your man no longer loves you

By Faeza
05 May 2017

Desperate from Benoni writes:

I HAVE been with my boyfriend for five years. We were only happy during the first year. The rest of the relationship had just been nothing but fights, arguments and nagging. I see him about once a month. He comes over after partying with his friends, then I don’t see him again, sometimes for three months. He used to be such a loving and kind man. He would tell me he loves me and made me feel special. Now, he doesn’t seem to care. I miss the man I fell in love with. I really don’t want to give up on us without a fight. Can I just get him back? When I talk to him about it, he says that I am nagging and irritating him. I just want to go on with my life, but if he has stopped loving me, then why doesn’t he just break

up with me, so I can be free?

Linda Yende responds:

I AM a bit confused. Does this man have you chained to a tree or something? Is he holding you captive or prisoner in a tower? I really don’t think that this man can make it any clearer to you that he doesn’t care about you. Can you really call a man who disappears for

three months at a time “your man”? This guy is making it crystal clear that he doesn’t care about you at all. From the sound of things, it seems this man only calls you up when he

is bored or lonely. It is not clear from what you've written, but when you say that he only calls you when he comes from going out with friends, to me that says he calls you for sex

and a sleepover. I could be wrong, but really, that is what it sounds like to me.

WE TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT US

I cannot preach this enough: we teach people how to treat us. Nobody will disrespect you without your permission. And right now, you are lying down, like a welcome mat, and letting him walk all over you. I am sorry to tell you, but the man you fell in love with

is long gone. This man lost interest. This man fell out of love with you a while back, but was either too much of a coward, or too greedy to just let you go. So, he decided to push the boundaries and get the best of both worlds. He has the benefit of a girlfriend, without the need to actually treat you like a girlfriend and be there for you. And you are just sitting back and accepting this nonsense!

PAY ATTENTION

Why is it that you are sitting there waiting for him to break up with you? What possible reason could he have for doing so? You are so convenient for him! The person who is unhappy in the relationship should be the one who ends it. The one who is having his

cake and eating it too will not be ending it any time soon. Never stay a second longer than

you should in a relationship. And in this case, you have overstayed your welcome by four years. The moment somebody stops trying, the moment somebody stops caring; that’s your cue to leave. Don’t wait for him to tell you he has stopped caring. Listen to him. Watch his actions – they speak louder than words. Pay attention. You know what

love should feel like, and this is not it.

IS IT WORTH THE FIGHT?

I’d like to talk about this issue of fighting for your relationship. I believe in fighting to save a relationship, but you can never do it alone. You are alone in this relationship and therefore you are the only one fighting to save it. And that, my dear, is a fight you will never win. Every relationship can survive and can be saved, as long as both parties are willing and are working hard to save it. But if you are doing it alone, then you have already lost the battle. The sad reality is, in these four years, you could have opened up  your heart, freed your soul, healed from this relationship and found the love that you deserve. But in that time, you have been held back by a non-existent love. Every extra day that you stay in this non-existent relationship is another day that you could be getting closer to healing. So, the longer you delay it, the longer it will take you to heal. Yes, you will miss him. You will feel sad and empty without him. But, honestly, it won’t be too different to where you are now. Rather be lonely and alone, than be lonely while in a relationship. You deserve better.