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The role money should play in your relationship

By Faeza
27 January 2017

Honestly, I don’t see

anything unreasonable

in your request. It is very

sweet and very thoughtful

for a man to just set aside a little bit

of money to spoil his woman. Even

when she happens to make more

money than him.

Let us first talk about gifts in

general, in a relationship. I am glad

you mentioned that he is actually

doing quite well for himself as well.

That makes all the difference,

because if he was struggling, then yes,

you would need to just understand

that his resources are probably spread

pretty thin, already.

So, the truth is, he probably just takes

it for granted that you can afford any

and everything that he tries to do for

you. What do you buy for a woman

who can afford everything for herself?

SYMBOLISM OF THE GESTURE

This is where we are wired differently,

as men. We tend to be very practical.

He just uses logic and thinks; Why

would I bother giving her money for

hair, when she can afford to do her

hair every day, if she chose to? He

doesn’t understand that it is more

about the symbolism of the gesture.

My suggestion is that you give him

this simple example; You can afford

to buy your own flowers, but a bunch

of flowers from him would mean so

much more to you.

So really, this is more about the

symbolism of the gesture. It is just

really nice to think, he was thinking

about you. He saw a bunch of flowers

and they reminded him of you, so he

bought them.

STRONG MAN

Now…let us talk about the girlfriend

allowance, specifically.

You have to start by acknowledging

that it takes a strong man to be

comfortable enough to be in a

relationship with a woman who

makes more money than him.

The average man is intimidated by

that and feels very insecure in that

relationship.

And with good reason, too. We are

taught and conditioned to think that

the man must be the provider and

the breadwinner.

FINANCIAL STANDING

On the other hand, kudos to you,

for being willing to be with a man,

regardless of his financial standing.

That says a lot about you. But…this

then comes at a price, doesn’t it?

Let’s just say that you can afford to

go on holiday once a quarter. And he

can’t afford a single trip.

How on earth does he pamper you

and spoil you? Do you end up being

the one who foots the bill, and you

go to Mauritius anyway?

I mean, he would probably need

to save for three years to be able to

afford that trip. Whereas you can do

it with your petty cash.

FEELING MORE MANLY

Similarly, he probably feels that him

giving you R1 000 to do your hair…

when you spend that on a pair of

shoes, every time you go shopping,

might not be as meaningful to you.

Find a way to make it seem like he

is rescuing you, somehow.

For example, when you do your

hair, call him and ask him to pay,

because there is something wrong

with your card, or you left your card

in your other wallet.

Him coming to rescue you in

this situation will make him feel

important and needed.

The damsel in distress always

leaves a man feeling more manly

and needed. We are men, after all.

We have fragile egos and we do

want to be needed.

SOLID AND DEPENDABLE

Then you can casually say that it felt

good to be ‘rescued’ and that you

love knowing that you can count on

him. He is your solid and dependable

knight in shining armour.

From that to the next casual

observation that the symbolism of

him paying for your hair meant so

much to you, will break the ice.

Just mention that as a woman who

is so used to doing things herself, it is

refreshing to have your man just say;

“Don’t worry, honey. I’ve got this.”

That is probably the best way

to tackle this issue. Tactfully and

without seeming like you are

attacking or criticising him.