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Ways to love your partner perfectly

By Faeza
20 January 2017

Clueless writes: 

HOW can I show and prove to my girlfriend that I love her? From the start

of our relationship, she told me that her ex-fiancé never showed his feelings, but always

used money to show that he loves her. He always showered her with lavish gifts, but she still felt unloved all the time. I always thought that if you buy a woman flowers, presents

and fancy things, then she would be happy. That is certainly what social media and popular culture would have us believe. Now I am

totally clueless.

Linda Yende responds:  

HERE is a lot of ground that I will need to cover to answer your question. I would have

loved to hear more about your girlfriend, but in the absence of further information, I will have to give you all possibilities. There is something known as the five languages of love, which has been described in many books, most specifically the book by Gary D. Chapman. I will discuss all the types and in the process, you might find out the love language your girlfriend understands and speaks.

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

1Words of affirmation

My wife always thanks me for every little thing that I do. Even if we

pull over and grab a meal at a fast food outlet in the middle of a hectic day, she will still say, “Thank you, baby, for the lunch”. As a result, I feel so appreciated, and that feeling leaves me feeling loved. If your partner loves being appreciated and given words of affirmation, all you have to do is to always say thank you. Appreciate every gesture and everything that she does for you.

2Acts of service

Do you remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? For some people, that is particularly true of love. If your partner’s primary love language is of acts of service,

then nothing will say ”I love you” louder and better than acts of service. I have often heard and repeated that “guys who wash the dishes get the most sex”. I say this lightheartedly,

but there is a lot of truth to it. Helping out around the house and doing something to help ease the household burden leaves your partner feeling very loved.

3Receiving presents

In every society throughout human history, giving presents has been perceived as an expression of love. Giving presents is universal because there is something inside

the human psyche that says if you love someone, you will give towards them. What many people do not understand is that for some people, receiving gifts is their primary love

language. It’s the thing that makes them feel loved most. If you are with someone whose

primary love language is gift giving, you will make your partner feel loved and treasured by giving gifts on birthdays, holidays or anniversaries. The presents need not be expensive

or elaborate; it’s the thought that counts. Even something as simple as a homemade card or a few cheerful flowers will communicate your love to your partner. Little things mean a

lot to a person whose primary love language is receiving presents.

4Quality time

If your partner’s love language is quality time, giving him or her your undivided attention is one of the best ways you can show your love. Some men pride themselves on being able to watch television, read a magazine, and listen to their partners, all at the same time.

That is an admirable trait, but it is not speaking the love language of quality time. Instead, you must turn off the TV, put the magazine down, look into your partner’s eyes, and

listen and interact. To your partner, 20 minutes of your undivided attention – listening and conversing – is like a 20-minute refill of her love tank.

5Physical touch

One of the biggest complaints that women have, is that men only ever touch them when they initiate sex. In relationships, the lovelanguage of physical touch includes everything from putting a hand on your partner’s shoulder as you walk by, touching their leg while driving together, holding hands while you’re walking, kissing, embracing and of

course, sexual intercourse. If physical touch is your partner’s primary love language, then touch them. In conclusion, all I can say is that it boils down to two things: How you

love a person and how they want to be loved. We generally love people the way we want to be loved or the way we believe that they want to be loved.