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What to do when dating a party animal

By Faeza
21 June 2016

I'AM a 25-year-old woman, dating a 29-year-old guy who is a party animal. When

we first started dating, four years ago, I understood this.

But at some point, some growing up needs to happen.

We were both living that kind of lifestyle when we met, we actually met on the party scene.

But, I eventually outgrew it and can’t stand to be spending every Thursday to Monday

out partying at our age. The weekend can no longer be a five day affair. He insists that I found him like this, and why I am trying

to change him?

All I know is, I was where he is a few years ago.

I wish somebody had done for me what I am trying to do for him. My life would have been

far better now.

We have discussed this issue, with neither one of us willing to compromise. I am wondering if it is not time to call it quits. What would you suggest I should do, especially since the festive season is close?

The author of Wake Up, Woman!, Linda Yende gives you tips on how to cope when your man refuses to let go of the fun

A MAN’S VIEW RELATIONSHIP problems and

challenges affect everybody. The principle remains the same across the board.

We all go through similar problems, in our dealings with one another.

You need to understand that when you met him, four years ago, you also set the tone and equally loved

partying. So, also at some point, you loved and enjoyed your turn up

lifestyle.

But it took you time before you decided that you were done with it.

He might still need some time before he has enough of it.

POINT OF MATURITY

All I am saying is, you may have been doing it for a lot longer than him and as such, are tired of it, while he is still enjoying it. The truth is, though, you

YOUR RELATIONSHIP

must also consider that, regardless of age, we all mature at different points in our lives. So this is not necessarily age related at all. It could be that he will be like this for a long time still. Consider that possibility.

DEAL BREAKERS

Let us talk about deal breakers. Do you have any? Do you know what your deal breakers are? Deal breakers are, essentially the things that somebody does in your relationship that you find so unacceptable, to the point where you are almost guaranteed that you will end the relationship, should they happen. It is so important to identify these firstly for yourself, but to also share them with the person in your life.

Let them know exactly what you find unacceptable and unforgivable those out there, so the person in your life knows them up-front.

The reason I am bringing this up, of course, is because I would like you to ask yourself if this is a deal breaker for you? Goals change, areas of focus change and what was important four years ago, isn’t any more. If, in your new incarnation…the older, wiser you, with new goals in life, suddenly feels that the life you used to live no longer serves you, be bold enough to declare that and be up-front with your partner.

GOOD INTENTIONS

The last thing you would want to do is try to turn your partner into something he isn’t, simply because who he’s no longer works for you.

Bear in mind that he hasn’t changed. You have. He is the exact same person that you signed up for, at the start of your relationship.

You are not. I understand that your intentions are good and that you think you are doing this for him. And I understand that in your eyes, you can see his potential and how much better you think he will be after he makes the changes. But that is an improvement in your eyes, not his. All you can do, (and it sounds like you have done this already) is to tell

him all that you have told me. Tell him that you wish somebody had told you all these things sooner. But be prepared for him rejecting your suggestions. What worked for you, may not necessarily work for you. In fact, it is possible that nobody tried to change you. You changed all on your own. Allow him to do the same. I would take it a step further and say that he has just as much right to complain about the fact that you are no longer the person he fell in love with.

EXACT SAME PERSON

What I am saying is: You need to treat this with the necessary sensitivity. You really shouldn’t be making him feel inadequate or making him feel like he has done something wrong. He has not failed you, in any way. He is still the exact same person. You

changed. He didn’t. This is a classic case of turning somebody into a man project. You see his ‘potential’ by your standards. You see what he could be and what he would be if only he would listen to reason. But the truth is, until he is ready to make those changes (if he

ever gets to that point), he will not make them. Don’t try to rush him. If anything, pushing him will actually make him resentful of you.