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What to do when your husband disappears after getting paid

By Faeza
16 November 2016

Anonymous from Rustenburg:

Every month end, I cry myself to sleep because of my husband. For the past five years,

he disappears on payday and does not come home for the whole weekend. When he does

come back on Monday, he comes home empty-handed with not a single cent in his bank

account. What upsets me the most is that when he eventually comes home, he demands a hot plate of food and that I have sex with him. I always threaten to leave him, but he always promises to change. I forgive him because he is my husband and the father of my children, but I am unhappy and I do not know what to do.

Move Expert Advice: 

Khulani Desmond Gxiba, a social worker based in the Eastern Cape, says, “We might have a choice to accept people in our lives, but we don’t have full control on what they become in future. A husband who no longer shows a will to make things work might be helped by attempting various forms of intervention such as counselling. If that doesn’t work, then you should choose whether you want to prioritise your heart and happiness or the

status of being married. It’s clear that there are forms of abuse here and this needs to be

addressed so that it doesn’t end up distorting your life, as abuse can lead to displacement behaviour where you end up redirecting your anger to your children or other people who are important to you. Try to see if the continuous forgiving is not damaging the very same children you think you are doing this for."