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When your one-night stand leaves you impregnated

By Faeza
11 August 2016

Mom-to-be writes: 

I am in a very awkward situation. I met a guy at a mutual friend’s party and

we were instantly attracted to each other, physically.

It was quite clear that our friends were trying to hook us up, so we thought, “Why not?” And we played along.

However, we both knew that we could never make a relationship work. Yes, we had the physical connection, but mentally, spiritually and emotionally, we are just on different journeys.

Not to mention that he is just too smooth, too cool and too polished for my liking. I really

battle to trust guys like that.  They say all the right things to make a girl weak at the knees.

They are just not relationship material. Having decided all this, I made up my mind that there would be no relationship beyond that night. But that didn’t stop us from having fun that night.

We flirted outrageously, laughed, drank and I ended up spending the night at his place. Although we used protection, I have subsequently discovered that I am pregnant.

And it can only be him. I guess we were so drunk that we became careless at some

point in the night. Now I have told him that I am pregnant and he says that he is

willing to be in his child’s life.

In fact, he wants to be in both our lives. This was never part of the plan. What do I do now?

Linda Yende answers:

Firstly, I am going to commend you for your honesty about the pregnancy and that you

likely did not use protection during your one-night stand. I raise this issue in the matter of public interest, because there are so many children who are conceived due to having unprotected sex.

It is sad to see people not owning up to the fact that they didn’t use protection. So, well done for owning up to that error of judgement on your part. Now there is a child on the way.

And the father is willing to step up and accept responsibility. Honestly, for me that

is your happy ending, right there. Anything else, which we will discuss below is a bonus.

There are just too many fathers who are carrying on with life and not taking responsibility

out there. So when a child is conceived, albeit without intention to conceive, and both parents will be present in the child’s life, then this child has what many have been

deprived of.

DATING YOUR BABY'S FATHER

In terms of your relationship with this young man; you need to go back to the basics. Meet this man, go on a date and treat him as you would any other potential boyfriend.

Don't let the child growing inside you pressure you into starting a serious relationship with him. Establish from the word go that your relationship with him is totally separate from that of him and his unborn child.

Make sure that he understands the fact that a relationship between the two of you is not essential, to raise this child.

DON'T FORCE A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD

None of you should ever feel obligated to date or possibly even commit to one another, just for the sake of the child. The last thing that this child needs is two miserable parents who blame him for “forcing” them to be with one another.

Be with each other because you really want to be. Take things slow. You skipped several steps in your relationship. You never really got to know each other, so this is your chance to do so.

Try not to sleep with each other, as this may cloud your judgement. Forget the physical

attraction and start working on getting to know each other.

TAKE TIME TO KNOW EACH OTHER

Ask yourself exactly why it is that you don’t want to date this man? Has he done anything to hurt you? It sounds like you have preconceived ideas about guys like him. It could be that you have a history with someone who had similar traits as him and now you

are painting him with the same brush.

It may turn out that he is nothing like what you imagine. You may just surprise yourself and end up liking the guy once you start spending time with him. You liked him enough to spend the night with him.

Surely, you wouldn’t have gone that far to begin with if you didn’t connect on some level. You wouldn't have spent the night with him if you found him to be repulsive. Give the relationship a fighting chance and see where it goes.

And even if it doesn’t work out in the end, it really isn’t the end of the world. The child will still have two loving parents. That is all that matters