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Where have all the good men gone?

By Faeza
04 May 2016

You’re a sassy single lady with a superb career and an eventful social life. You live a full life, yet your mom keeps nagging you to drag someone to the altar and start producing some offspring ...

Don’t get me wrong. You’re not opposed to the whole white picket fence dream, but you are wondering where all the decent men have disappeared to.

It’s not that you don’t get out or meet new people but you’re convinced that all the good men are already taken. You keep asking yourself: “Where have all the good men gone?”

Dating coach and matchmaker Bonita Grobbelaar says the answer to this question is rather simple: “My clients expect me to dish out some top secret GPS location as to where these phenomenal men are located.”

The first issue is a problematic measuring device

Are you looking for a man who is emotionally articulate and can communicate his deepest fears openly?

I am going to let you in on a little secret: Men aren’t merely hairy women! He is a man and he is a combination of loads of testosterone which makes him very different to you. Allow him to be true to his nature and stop measuring a man’s worth with a feminine ruler.

The second reason why women aren’t meeting quality men is because of a faulty filtering system

Most women say they are looking for a good guy, someone emotionally available, honest and caring. Although this is a good strategy for long term relationship success, most of us unknowingly chase short term gratification: Passion, attraction, sex appeal - an excellent recipe for a hot mess further down the line.

These men that we deem to think of as non-existent are …

Wait for it: … actually all around us. They live amongst us; drink coffee at a table beside us; and even stand in the queues behind us to pay for their parking tickets. You don’t need to hang out in a seedy bar to meet Mr Perfect and you probably won’t find a decent, upstanding citizen there anyway.

But then why aren’t you meeting him then?

The third reason according to Grobbelaar: “Women come across as being unapproachable. If you want to be more approachable, then you need to approach men.” According to Grobbelaar there is nothing wrong with making the first move as long as you never ask a man out on a date.

There is nothing wrong with being eas … for the first 30 seconds

“I always tell my coaching clients there is nothing wrong with being easy … for the first 30 seconds. Let him know that his advances will be welcomed, make it easy for him to talk to you, then step back and allow him to do the rest.”

Source: All4Women