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50 Shades of SEXPO Joburg

02 October 2012, 07:04

One of South Africa’s most anticipated events, SEXPO (Health, Sexuality and Lifestyle Exhibition), took place this weekend, with thousands of people gathering at Nasrec Expo Centre in Johannesburg to see what 2012 had to offer. Normal tickets cost R199, while VIPs were selling at R299 and included a lucky packet filled with info and a naughty DVD. My friends won tickets, so I was dared to go with them. Shew… 

Interestingly, I spotted more women than men walking around. Also, you can’t help staring at certain couples: a pair was walking around completely naked, while another pair walked around in chains and latex.

The Ladies’ Lounge was by far the most popular spot for both sexes. The Pulse boys from Joburg gave their version of Magic Mike (the SA Edition), by tearing off their kits (until their thongs) in front of dozens of screaming fans. There was even a blowjob competition, where girls were ordered to ummm… suck a banana. Those too keen broke their bananas several times. Adventurous-looking girls were dragged on to the stage to be given a public lap-dance.

The Pulse boys also took to the main stage, dressed as naughty schoolboys, police officers, lifeguards (to the music of Baywatch) and other delightful female fetishes. 

For those a little more conservative, there were aerial artists, hypnotists (including the famous Mark Anthony from Australia), comedians and rollercoaster rides.

This year included a Fetish Ball for the first time, inspired by 50 Shades of Grey… With a secluded section sealed off for whipping, lashings and “those kind of” piercings.

The main hall’s products included a variety of perfumes, hair equipment, gels, creams, naughty outfits, lingerie and new devices. Several stalls, for example, were trying to sell “the menstrual cup,” which they claim is more environment-friendly than the pad and healthier to use than the tampon. You’ll have to Google how it works exactly…

The P*ssy Room was almost full constantly, showing short films from various countries. But, to many South Africans, the films were too long to bear. Many exited the cinema during a film about a woman masturbating in public. People were also shocked by the extreme close-ups of a couple, dressed in spandex from head to toe. They cut holes in their outfits at various intervals, until the Grand Finalé.

I met people who go to Sexpo just to see “Pricasso,” a talented Australian who enjoys doing portraits of his audience, celebrities and politicians with his, yes, penis and does the final touches with his buttocks. You can get your portrait done at R300 or a double portrait of you and a friend at R400. 

The Playboy Lounge was also hugely successful, selling five signed copies of the magazine at R100. Jade Fairbrother, 2012’s Playmate of the Year, was the friendliest playmate claiming my guy friends would “love me forever” if I was daring enough to get them some. We’ll have to see about their reactions…

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