There are few women in the world who don't have issues. They are insecure about their body image, inconfident about their personality and abilities and need ongoing affirmation. If they don't get affirmation from their husbands, they will look for it somewhere else, even if they don't intend to have an affair. Regardless of how young or old they are. If women are not having emotional needs met at home, including encouragement, compliments, affirmation, care and kindness, they will go looking for it elsewhere.
It only takes a simple sentence to set the feminine spark alight..'you're looking fabulous' will do. Instead of taking it from whence it has come - a male acquaintance simply saying how well you appear - with some insecure women, a whirlwind of XX chromosomes & hyper-active oestrogenic sparks fly - 'he likes me' - 'he's got a crush on me' - 'he noticed me' - 'he wants a relationship with me.' If compliments are exchanged and encouraged, if flattery is nurtured, if there are no boundaries in place for either party, it would be easy to take the next small step to spending some time together. Then more time and then, if there's no moral concern, an affair is inevitable.
3. Emotional Insecurity
As women get older, they wonder if they are still attractive to the opposite sex. Do they still have what it takes to snag an attractive man? Heading for menopause, they become emotionally insecure and almost make a point of a bit of flirtation to see if they have still 'got it.' If they get a response, it's like a match to dry grass.
Some women are bored. Some men are as well. An affair becomes a welcome diversion in a pretty unexciting life. Housewives with more time on their hands than they know what to do with get fit by going to gym, meet men who are there training...they have something in common and a friendship develops. It then becomes 'all for a good cause.' Excuses such as, 'we're getting fit', 'he's only my running/cycling/gymming/studying/(fill in the gap) buddy.' There's nothing in it! Yeah, right! Who are you trying to kid.
5. Hormone Changes
I was once told by my gynaecologist that the top medication he gives women in their 40s is (apart from HRT) anti-depressants. As oestrogen levels in pre-menopausal women drop, so does their morale. Their level of discontent increases and they find themselves thinking, 'I can't do this any more.' They want 'out'. They become irrational and unhappy, self-centered and dissatisfied. They are ripe for infidelity.
6. The Greater Offer
The attraction a woman may have to a man who can give her more than her husband is tempting in its form as a greater offer. The promise of a life of excitement and pleasure compared to the drudgery of everyday life proves too tempting to pass up. Little does she remember that given time (and much less time than one cares to admit), she finds herself back to square one. The grass may be greener on the other side but it still has to be mowed. The daily grind of waking up, facing work, doing chores, finding fulfillment is always going to be the challenge whether you are living in the White House or living in a shack in Africa. The secret to enjoying life has to come from learning to be content with circumstances, regardless of what they are. It does not mean you don't strive to improve your lot in life, but don't be disillusioned as to the amount of happiness money can buy. Somehow, the deep sadness found in the halls of the rich and famous seems all to evident today.
7. Disillusionment and Disappointment
When women marry, they have expectations – they want security at all levels – physically, emotionally, financially, socially. If the husband's performance is not to a wife's expectation over a long period of time, it is not unlikely that she will start looking for someone who is more able to fulfill her dreams, not remembering that no one (including herself) is perfect. The wife needs to stop in her tracks, looking inward and asking herself how much she is contributing to her relationship instead of looking at how her husband has disappointed her. Is she meeting her husband's needs? We cannot depend on anyone else for our own happiness.
8. Men in Positions of Power & Influence
There are few aphrodisiacs stronger than being hit on by a man of power & influence. Women who fall into this trap of having an affair with someone who is in a high position need to remember that they need/want the man more than the man needs/wants them. Generally speaking, men in high office have a reputation to protect, so if they are going to enter into a relationship of indiscretion, it will be for their own amusement and entertainment. It is seldom that they will offer a frivolous fling, long-term security. In fact, women who are hit on by men in power, must remember, they are probably not the first and they will certainly not be the last. His attention to these women is at a very superficial level. Women's emotional make up lends them to imagine that “he is so important, yet he noticed me.' Unfortunately, these men of power are far too used to 'hiring and firing' and a woman who becomes inconvenient or threatening to his position, or clingy are very easily disposed of. A woman will become hugely committed to a man in high power or influence, investing far more emotional currency into the relationship only to be crushed when she asks for more and he absolutely has no intention of giving it. She thinks she is important to him, because that's what he has told her, yet in reality she is a plaything bought out when there's time and tossed to one side when not convenient. Men of power have too much vested in their lives to let an affair ruin it. Men of power need to remember that to they who have been given much, much will be expected – they will be called to account.
Women are driven by emotion. They need to build a hedge around their marriage and their heart. They need to set moral boundaries, over which they determine not to step. They need to bear in mind that an affair will take you further than you ever meant to go, keep you longer than you ever meant to stay and have you pay a price far higher than you ever meant to pay. It's not about the sex. It's not about the money. It's not about the power. It's about a deep internal need that can only be filled by learning to be content, by having faith to know that there is far more to this life than meets the eye. That Someone far greater cares about you and that you don't need a man to fulfill that need.
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