As a child I grew up in a dysfunctional home, an alcoholic Father and a Mother that disliked men.
As I battled though school, I promised myself I would raise my children in a well balanced structured environment, where my kids are loved and respected .
I got divorced in 2002 [ we grew apart- sport was and is my life] We have a son and a daughter My son is mostly level headed[ he is now 21 years old], this is not about him. My ex wife was strict and well structured.
My ex wife had engaged in an relationship before we got divorced , while this guy was still married as well.
So, after the divorce she carried on with the relationship. Their relationship hit a rough patch as his wife was diagnosed with cancer. This put untold stress on all the relationships everywhere, mine with my children, especially my daughter,mine with my partner.
My ex wife needed help as she could not cope with the pressure, so her first port of call was her children. My son stayed neutral, however, my daughter felt my ex's pain and subconsciously started to support her. She was 12 years at that point. This drained the life out of my child.
I could see a change in her, she was constantly tired and argued a lot with her brother and blatantly wiped her ass off my Partner.
When I approached my ex, she said " no , her behaviour is normal , all is well" . I eventually convinced her that our daughter should go and see a psychologist. She went, and what came back was not pretty. A co dependency relationship had formed were the daughter had assumed the mothers position and now my daughter was 42 years old with all the responsibilities of a grow woman.[ also all her fears and all her prejudice]. imagine the mess from this minute forward..... I was given a list of behaviours to check, she ticked every single box.
My ex refused to even consider this assessment and said , the psychologist is your buddy. To which I replied he only has our daughters interest at heart not yours or mine ,OUR CHILD !
She then replied, " he is a fu..ing idiot I studied psychology , in a co dependency relationship 2 people are needed, our daughter and who else ? "
Then she stated " we don't need you in any case"...............
I was told that this is surely one of the most manipulative people I have ever come across !
So, 1 day my daughter was with us , and gave everyone shit no end. I said I am taking you back to your mother , and come back when you decided to respect myself ,my partner my son and my house. This happened in June of 2008.
What a mistake, my ex immediately saw this as an opportunity to land the knockout punch. She declared " you have thrown away your child" then said I will protect her from you she does not need a father like you. Or someone that will force their will on us."
I spend thousands of rand to get my ex and estranged daughter to see different psychologist anything to get my child back. I cried many a day where no one could see. How could I lose my child .
I was told, " your ex will sabotage every effort you make , to get your daughter back " I thought how is this possible that a mother does not have the child's best interests at heart , even worse cannot take ownership of events. This became evident in how stories were twisted and lies told in such a way that if you did not know the facts you would believe her.
Her boyfriends wife died, and peace ensued, except I had no access to my daughter. It was like war death everywhere, except in my ex's house all was well. As she said, my house is normal you have the problems not us"
She married the guy, as his wife was now out the way. I wonder what he thinks about this ? My guess is he to scared to open his mouth , to stand up for what is right.
Now 5 xmas's without my child the pain is as big as ever. I don't cry anymore as I have become comfortably numb. My daughter ignored all attempts of mine to make contact, God knows I tried. At the very least I would send an sms over Xmas and her birthday to say have a nice day, I love you, however this year I did not even do that anymore. I have given up. I cannot stand the rejection, it eats me alive.
I was repeatedly told my ex will not take ownership of anything , rather ignore it as that way we will all forget. I kept on asking could a mother really do this to her child.....well nature is full of females eating the male and offspring in order to keep alive, parents just eat there children's souls.
I have failed not only my daughter but my son as well, as he had to watch this, what does he think, "I don't know" I just feel so sorry for him .
So why you might ask am I writing this. Well my psychologist buddy said " men out there should know your story as this is common place and no one has written about it. you have to put a positive spin on it ".
I cannot, all I can say is, men are not equipped to deal with such evil, that's why many fathers leave there children in the mothers hands and walk away . .
The pain I suffer words can not describe, its like walking around with a hole in your stomach, like some shot you with a cannon and all that left is a hole.
However, the fact that I have given up does not mean you should. If 1 out 10 Fathers rescue their daughters , and give them a normal life, you have saved a life.
Please value your children
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