Sometimes we all get to that point where we wake up feeling like the whole world and everything else in it is in our shoulders. That's a position that just makes you want to give everything up and often we don't get the courage to start again. Even those of us who appear fierce and seem to have it all under control. We all cry somehow. It's not always necessarily to someone. But we all go through something’s that possibly break us and leave us feeling so hopeless and helpless.
When it hurts so much that letting go just seems like plain defeat. I've recently learnt something, being the 'bigger person' is never easy. Swallowing your pride and forgetting about your shame and say 'I have to let go of it all' is so difficult, if not just plain impossible. I keep a lot of things to myself most times, but now and then I find myself slowly divulging and unpacking stuff to acquaintances. I scared myself at some point when I started talking about my mistakes with a guy I had just recently met. It's all a delirium. When you find yourself having bottled up so much for so long that there is no longer space for more and you just crack and burst like a pipe. A symbol of being weak perhaps? I could never understand the concept of pain and so called crying. Who's allowed to cry, who's meant to cry and all that jazz.
Sometimes we just need to realize and come into terms with the fact that we are just mere humans and we're susceptible to all other emotions that come with being 'human'. Just as we all love, smile and laugh hard. In return we all break and cry just as much and as equally as the other. The only difference becomes the level at which an individual falls apart or keep everything together.
One would argue that it makes you all pathetic, especially for guys. Which could be true in some essence. But it seems mirroring emotions hurts you just as much if not even more. Being driven by the portrayed emotions around you can lead to you breaking even more. Just because everybody is happy around you, doesn't mean you have to act 'happy'. In as much as surrounding yourself with positive vibes is concerned, I looked at it this way. Well as they say positive surroundings or being with happy people will inevitably reflect all their positive vibes or happiness on you. I believe that, just a little. Check this out; you become a reflector of other people's emotions. You 'reflect' their vibe. It's not from within. So how does that make you ‘happy’? You could smile for that moment, but your so called 'happiness' becomes so shallow it doesn't exist.
I have a problem. Let me tell you about me. When I'm breaking, seeing happy people around me breaks me even further. Call me self-centered, yes I am, just a little. Inasmuch as I also want to smile, I want it to be so deep and real. I want the real thing, and so I allow myself to go through the pain if need be. It hurts, but I have assurance and a hope that things are gonna get better and I'm gonna be an even happier person after trials.
I kept so much within me the past weeks. I managed to convince myself that I was dealing and was perfectly okay. Well, the dealing part, I can say I've been pretty much calm about a lot of things. But then you know when you feel you got thing under control and then just Bam! All of a sudden you're sobbing and everything just comes rushing back. It's all a horrible experience. But it has to happen. Sometimes you've got to really tear up, be sloppy and weak in order to be able to appreciate how strong you 'can be' as a human being. What I'm basically trying to say is when I hurt, I cry too...
You don't have to be too strong sometimes. You might come across as pathetic, but at least you're just being real. If you have to go through the mud to be able to appreciate the steadiness of solid grounds, then let it be. Love living, be thankful, Smile, Cry and Forgive. Come on! You can do it. You can get through anything.
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