On behalf of the rest of South Africa, I would like to thank your union for providing some much needed entertainment in these troubled times. I enjoy the thought of 15 of your players running around in pink, trying to “score”. (Insert joke here).
I would also like to inform you of some other changes that will be made this year at Lotus (Like the flower) Park. The union has held some serious discussions in order to find other ways of distracting opposition players. These include but are not limited to:
1) One lucky season ticket holder will win a free make-over during half time of each match.
2) Fans will no longer be allowed to braai before kick-off, instead fondue stations will be available for snacks.
3) The beer tent will no longer sell beer, but a wide variety of fruity drinks will be available.
4) The dancing girls will be replaced by a French poodle parade.
5) The man of the match will not receive a trophy, but rather a subscription to House and Home magazine.
6) The yellow card area will not be referred to as the sin bin, but will now be known as the temper tantrum tank.
7) The stadium will change from the Bull-Ring to the Fairy Garden.
8) The new mascot will be Lady the French Poodle.
9) A booth will be provided to exchange those dangerous horned helmets for the more appropriate silk scarf.
10) Liefling will still be the unofficial song…
In conclusion, 2012 will be a simply FABULOUS year at Lotus Park.
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