NEW LAWS OF ENGAGEMENT
First of all, due to the excessive number of fouls or fowls on the field then that field must have a name-change to NAN**S or Chicken-licken.
An emergency medical unit must be placed on the field to medicate non-injuries and unbroken bones.
Most of the players must pay a fine or locked up due to being in possession too long; They can go smoke their grass after the game.
Goals may not be scored before the final 6 minutes because goals are not scored during the preceding 84 minutes.
Referees on the field must wear hard hats due to airborne ball attacks.
Cry while the national anthem is sung, it makes you look like a patriot, have your hair cut funny and make a fool of yourself.
Spit snot onto the grass knowingly that the opposition may fall onto it.
If the ref says” Come here you slob then go up to him, stare him in the eye and say: “Sir, do I have a choice of red or yellow card.”
Never listen to the TV commentators because they are noisy, biased, always wrong, and seldom right
If the ball is kicked off the field then stand around while somebody else fetches it and argue that someone else kicked it off the field.
Kick the crap out of the ball-boy because the little runt was preventing the ball from coming out of the scrum.
If you are off-sides and found wanting argue with the linesman and threaten him and accuse him of being a useless idiot and deserves to work in the kitchen. Ask him what was he smoking then stomp off the field
If you score a goal then toyi-toyi until you are asked to please leave the field or you will be thrown off the field and reported to Fiefa’s president. And if you get too much flak then say: Please sirs, can I have my goal back? Ask the referee if you may also have some red and yellow cards just in case.
If something goes wrong then look for a fight and call the opposition and the referee losers.
If a camera is aimed at you then smile benignly and give the owner an obscene finger sign and shout “joune ook jou m**r”