There’s no denying it: those Chinese are clever little buggers. A six-year-old Chinese kid can speak fluent Mandarin – while we Westerners cannot even say: “How’s your mother” in that mystifyingly yellow language. And English-Chinese! Now THAT is a really demanding lingo to master.
Traditionally, seven major groups of Chinese dialects have been recognized. Aside from Mandarin, the other six are Wu-Chinese, Yu-Chinese, Hakka-Chinese, Wakka-Chinese, Kakka-Chinese, and lastly, English-Chinese.
Of all the Chinese dialects, English-Chinese is the most difficult to become really skilled at. The first time I realised this was while speaking to a waiter at a local Chinese restaurant.
The conversation went something like this:
“Do you have fresh calamari?”
“Callie mallie, velly flesh, velly goot,” replied our smiling waiter.
“And the Fried Prawns and Rice?” I asked.
“Flied Plawns and Lice, velly, velly goot,” big smile.
“How about the Crunchy Crab Rangoon and stir-fried Spring Rolls?”
“Clunchy Clab Langoon and still-flied Spling Lolls, velly, velly, velly goot,” bigger smile.
“Velly goot,” I replied, kowtowing like a native chop suey, “I’ll have some Wong Chin Foo and lice.”
(Notice how quickly I pick up a new language and lice, in this case: “Velly goot,” and “lice.”)
I forgot all about this closed encounter of a third world kind until just recently – when I received a present from my family – a wireless keyboard and a mouse for my birthday. (Actually it was for my computer. But they gave it to me as a gift on my birthday – to be used on my computer – it’s all rather complicated really.)
After installing the batteries I started reading the instructions (in English-Chinese, of course).
Connecting the Receiver
The receiver insert is to USB immediate port or by USB computer cable extra. (This apparently means: Plug the little dongle thingy in a USB port on the computer. I got that right. No problemo.)
Your optical 6 button mouse is providing a *dpi switch button. (Well, that’s a relief! Now if someone can just tell me what “dpi” means in English.)
Abtain the Receiver on the Mouse
1. When you want use the mouse, you can take the receiver to computer by the step 1 list. (OK, I’ll remember that.)
2. When you need to travel or stop work, you can store the receiver for the moving mouse by the step 2 list. (Duh? You got me there.)
State of Standby and Wake Up the Mouse
(Now this is where the really scary stuff begins. Those of you with weak hearts, flimsy bladders, or delicate anal sphincters, stop reading NOW!)
3. Your **RF2.4GHz mouse have economize model that when your mouse know any click or scroll or moving, the mouse will come to sleep state for 8 seconds after economize: for the wake up you can scroll the wheel or click any button for this, the optical ***LED will turn off, so, the moving mouse will not respond. (Bliksem! Only now do I realise how little I know about modern technology.)
Restoring Factory Default Settings
# When you find this set doesn’t work you can make the mouse in working condition by restoring the mouse back to factory.
# Check battery volume is normal; if battery is used out please replace new batteries.
# For mouse press the right button and middle button simultaneously; then insert the nano receiver into your ….
(Here I stopped reading – it got too scary.)
Lastly, with the speed at which the country is being invaded by the little Oriental mice, we’ll all be speaking English-Chinese velly soon. Start learning NOW!
*dpi – I know! I know!
**RF2.4GHz mouse – genetically modified Chinese rodent?
***LED – Chinese pronunciation for the colour RED
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