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Miss Darling
 
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Accepting people as themselves

14 September 2012, 19:59
(Please do not refer to any previous posts I have made while reading this, I do have multiple personalities and this one is saying this today. Besides, all of them together make sense.)

The title sounds somewhat silly and obvious, like, who else can someone be but themselves. Ha-ha. I know that of course. What I'm talking about is in a deeper sense. Its not very difficult either. My mentor has always been teaching me lessons leading up to this ultimate acceptance of others actually. She used to tell me to not take things too personally and not be too emotional. Being me, this was very hard to do as I'm a very emotional, liberal, outspoken, heart-on-sleeve person.

However, as I have matured I get it. Simply put, it means exactly what it says. Accept a douche-bag as s/he is. Accept people who stab you in the back as they are. Accept selfish friends as they are. Accept insecure people with their insecurities. Try by all means to not try change an adult from what works for them. All you have control over is yourself, your thoughts and your actions. You can also control the amount of self-exposure to people.

This lesson has been a tremendous help in my life. Combined with the not taking things personally, aaahhh, bliss. You know when someone comes and bitches and you're like, ookaayy? Yeah, I'm that person now. I do not take people's attitudes or emotions and make them change how I am feeling. Its theirs, I let them own it. Why stick around a pothead if you're just gonna bad-mouth someone who probably graced you with awesome company and very 'conscious' conversation? Rather stay away. Accept people you choose to spend your valuable time as they are friend.

When you accept people as themselves, you start believing them when they show you who they are, without complaints nogal. If you don't like the person as they are, why stay in their company?...ok...work neh? Well, you could choose to be prefessional and not make small talk with such a person. There's nothing wrong with that. You're mos not there to make friends. Actually, not accepting someone with their crap and still being in their space is a form of abuse. Are they now expected to conform with your likes cos you're there? Do you speak Chinese when you go to a Chinese restaurant? Aha, you see?

My mentor patiently shows me everyday how to utilize this lesson. She doesn't smoke, hates it actually. However, I do and she accepts me with that. When she's in my house, she sits with me as I smoke without judging me at all. I have seen her interactions with her colleagues too, same approach. A rude person is a rude person, she accepts, doesn't try change their rudeness, moves on.

Its more what people do than what they say that you should be on the lookout for. If a friend gossips with you, what makes you think you're so special that they won't do the same with someone about you? Someone who repeatedly shows you they have a limited amount of truth in them, if you like them, accept it. Just teach yourself to not trust the tales they tell or worse, rely on them. I have a very close friend who doesn't have a very...clears throat...good relationship with truth. But its only on silly things like keeping time and how far he is from where he was supposed to be an hour ago. I've accepted his preferance to dilute truth and have found a way around it. Like, if my flight lands at 11, I'll tell him I land at 10. Then he'll be there at about 10:50. Perfect.

Its not only people who are negative that we should accept as are either. People have a tendency of doubting good people. Asking...WHY? There must be a hidden agenda. No. Why should there be? Some people are nice cos nice is nice to be. Like me....I'm nice aren't I? :) When people are nice, accept them as the nice people they are. Enjoy it. If the person changes, don't now conclude that that's their true colours. I see it with most friends who fall apart. 'S/he showed me her true colours'. Hunny, you were friends for 6 years, you had a major fallout and that erases 6 years of happiness? People make mistakes, even good people. Choose to believe it was a mistake(you know when someone makes a mistake and admits it mos). It sure makes for a happier life. I get very hurt when someone I love concludes I meant to hurt them. Helllooooo, I love you, you know that-why would you think I'd find joy in hurting you?

See, when we accept people as they are, we do not  get easily offended by innuendos and even unintended insults. Its not all the time that people are against you. Sometimes people say things that may hurt you with no intention of hurting you, if you want, alert them to how their statement has hurt you and let it go. Many of us have a lot on our plates without re-directing insults meant for the air to ourselves. Be a happy person. Of course if the shoe fits, you are welcome to wear it. But I'd suggest you don't go around wearing strange shoes. Do you, love.

We will also stop making people out to be who they aren't. Yes, you may see the potential someone has, but that isn't them. To accept them wholly means you are able to see them for who they are. Not your own ideas of them in your head. As nice and happy and uplifting as you ideas may be, they are not reality. Accept your jerk man, accept your very smart but doesn't wanna use brains friend, accept them hun.

Last note: I have tried to use this 'accepting people as they are' on the other guy I spoke about in previous posts, like, accept his nonchalance of me as just that. Not 'he hates me'. I used to beat myself up about it. Now, I do me. When I want to speak, I do. He is himself, a man who is not yet enlightened. When he is, he will....ummm...sidetrack... I have learnt to not think for people, cos lets face it, its impossible. Ever heard this line "S/he thinks s/he's better than everyone"? Umm, sweetie, how do you know? Can you telepathically read people's minds? Its YOU who's thinking that, don't paste it on someone else. That person is themself. If to you, they come across as better, that's no negative. Accept it and work on yourself. She thinks she's better nywenywenywe...its your own thoughts maan!
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