PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
tracyengelb
 
Comments: 6
Article views: 1777
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all tracyengelb's badges.
 

Advice for parents you won't like

07 July 2014, 13:52

Heard this one? “10 things I wish somebody had told me before I became a parent”. You’ve probably read a million versions of it.
It’s a bunch of crap. Actually, I lie. There is ONE thing I wish I’d known.
I wish I’d known that everybody is full of it. That you already know what you need to do. Because it’s not about nappies, sleeping, feeding schedules or Limiting Screen Time.

How the child is born? Doesn’t matter
How the child is fed? Doesn’t matter
Where the child sleeps? Doesn’t matter
How many people and the configuration thereof in the child’s family? Doesn’t matter
Mommy and me classes? Baby violin lessons? Private school and ballet recitals?
Death by Scare Quotes Social Media End Scare Quotes?

None. Of. It. Matters. 


(Seriously, I’ve said that so often that Twitter keeps telling me “Whoops! You already tweeted that”)
Are they happy? Are they healthy? You too? Good. That takes care of the admin then.
All of those worries are just so much pointless twaddle designed to keep your mind off what really matters. YOU.
Get yourself right first, your child will grow up well. Be a good person, your child will learn. Look in the mirror.
Any schmuck can breastfeed or pay for private schooling. Any schmuck often does.


Be prepared to keep trying no matter how many times you mess it up. Oh – you will. Suck it up. Admit it and start over. You know when you’re screwing up. You know it. I know when I am. Smack yourself out of it and get back to the job.
Pay attention and you will see what your child needs.
Maybe you’ll find they LIKE ballet. Maybe you’ll find they don’t. Maybe you’ll see they need extra help with something. Maybe you’ll see their personality is suited to a particular type of schooling. Maybe you’ll notice a talent that nobody else can see, and you’ll find a way to nurture that, even before the world knows we need it. Maybe you’ll see hurt that comes from somewhere (maybe from you, maybe not) – in time to do something about it.
Maybe you’ll see who they are.
You actually have to WANT to pay attention. Because it’s fun. Because it’s a beautiful thing, those pointless unplanned minutes and the lightbulb that comes on when you discover something about your child. Because it feels like it’s worth your time.
Because then, and only then, does paying attention not feel like a chore or something you have to learn from a book.


If you didn’t know before having children that it would be hard work and confusing sometimes and you wouldn’t have time to do some of the stuff you want to do – well, I really don’t know what to say to you.
Need a break from the admin? Obviously. Everyone does. So take it. Feel like you’re losing touch with what you like to do for yourself? Make a plan to do something you like. Finding the time away from admin is a question of logistics only and there’s always a way around that. That bit is not rocket science and martyrs are only useful when they’re dead, for statue purposes. Nobody is going to build a statue to you. So go to the movies, for the love of Pete.


If you really think that some toothy expert marketing books about a catchily capitalised parenting style is going to help you get it right, again – I got nuthin for you.


I’ll say it again – when you fuck it up, say sorry. Make it right. Don’t stop trying. Don’t HIDE from the hard stuff.


Our children spend their whole lives, from the moment they’re born, trying to tell us who they are. If you’re not listening, everything they do and feel will be about reacting. It will be artificial – they’ll either shout louder to get your attention or they’ll just try to be what they think you want. They will never be naturally themselves. You will never know who they are and never give them what they need. It will never make sense.
This is not Oprah. This is not some vague hippy shit. This is real. Cause and effect. Science, even. See what they need, give it. Everybody’s happy.


And no, that doesn’t mean the Smarties at the Pick n Pay queue, dumbass.
Put down the bloody books. Stop asking idiots for advice. Don’t even take this advice – (lord knows I’m a grade-A idiot myself). Because you either get it, or you don’t. If you don’t then none of what I’ve said is going to make a difference.


The things you’re paying attention to will be different at 18 months to the ones at 18 years. But the job is the same. Eyes and ears and questions and talking and understanding and WANTING to do all of those things because why wouldn’t you want to? Because it’s your best offering to the world. Because seeing a human take shape in front of your eyes is the biggest thing you will ever do.

What you see take shape will be the exact reflection of the attention you’ve paid from the beginning

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
6 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
A Groovy Trooper
3 Every Hour

I would just like to highlight the fact that, according to the latest murder stats, we lose 47 South Africans to murder EVERY SINGLE DAY. That's 329 per week. 1,316 per month. Read more...

11 comments 928 views
South African can crime can still...

The crime stats (2013/2014) have been released today and it is shocking. I am not going to consider the figures as they are not reliable because the stats are based only on reported figures. Read more...

14 comments 535 views
Submitted by
Manthole Morwa Kgwedi
“The forgotten transport infrastr...

The problems resulting from transport externalities have become a world-wide contested concern.  Read more...

3 comments 470 views
Submitted by
hzcummi
The Truth of Genesis: Another App...

Over 244 million years ago, Yehovah created the first known birds, other flying creatures, and the dinosaurs of the sea, which Moses called “sea monsters”.  Read more...

56 comments 1087 views
Submitted by
Siiphamandlah
Open Letter to “OUR” Politicians ...

It comes with great sadness and distaste to realize that our institution(s) have become a platform for releasing personal frustrations and settling old scores. Read more...

2 comments 404 views
Submitted by
ohomen171
Before Sending Human Colonists To...

It's about three groups of people who decided to forsake normal civilized life and got to live on the island of Floreana in the Galapagos Islands. Read more...

11 comments 771 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Pre-order your iPhone 6 at kalahari.com

Hurry and pre-order your own iPhone 6 now at SA’s favourite online store!

Bargain box – 60% off

Reduced prices, very limited stock. While stocks last. Hurry and shop now!

Mind blow low prices on electronics

Get either the Prestigio multiphone or Proline tablet 7” tablet for only R699. Offers valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off Barbie toys

Save 30% on all Barbie toys and accessories. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Baby extravanganza month at kalahari.com

Celebrate baby month with a wide range of awesome baby products. Offers valid while stocks last. Shop now.

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.