If you ever been to a normal black wedding you know that time when the 'speaker representing the grooms family' says something in the lines of how grateful they all are that their son has finally brought home a helper for their beloved mama so and so. This is usually the time when I want to stand up and shout to the bride RUN!. Although God knows that when you take a look at the mama so and so you can probably tell that she can use the help after
20 or 30 years of being a makoti that never gets tired at the family functions (funerals, weddings, unveilings, random celebrations) with the cooking, cleaning, serving, washing the dishes while her wonderful husband sits under a shady tree with other men usually drinking or running those 5 hr errands that keeps him away from the house. In my opinion the African woman is getting a raw deal in this patriarchy/ religious (because you know they will start quoting the bible) setup and as far as I am concerned the set up should be by large the other way round and I will tell you why!
When I was pregnant with my daughter Marang there was some excitement yes and everyone was really happy for us, and then 6 years later I was pregnant with my son and I tell you the excitement and praise was ten fold and even my own father gushed his excitement it was like I had finally fulfilled my role as a wife. Now in our culture the birth of a boy is a big celebration, someone who will carry on the family name and grow the clan yada yada yada!
So this got me thinking as a woman, wait a minute these people NEED ME. They need me to carry, nature and raise a man that will eventually lead the family into its future and maintain the family name. Then why or why is someone with such a big responsibility to the future of the family being continuously treated like a battery operated helper and often continues to feel like an outsider. Surely this is how it should go after you finally get married,
you should be allowed to rest and meditate so that you can ready your body to be a vessel to carry this important part of the family history.
Once you are pregnant ofcourse you should get light excersise preferably long walks on the beach before your carefully balanced healthy prepared meals are delivered to you.
Your mood swings and strange cravings all catered to.
Once the baby is born (epidural welcome) the mother should alternate between nurturing the family heir and being nurtured herself
really she should not have to encounter hard work, stress or suffer any discomfort during the next 21 years of mothering this all important person.
So my take is a little exaggerated but I can't believe how at this day and age where a woman is faced with the same bread winning responsibilities there is still an expectation at the in-laws that she should cater and slave while full bodied strong men sit under the tree and enjoy the fruits of her labor. I know I cant change culture that has been continuing for many years, but I will be damned if I raise a young man who will grow up to believe that he is not expected to perform the same tasks as any girl is expected to do. Both my children will be get the same treating and they are both special. Both will clean, cook, take out the thrash and clean the garden when needed!
And if the next wedding I go to someone utters those words! I am walking out in protest and taking my children's sensitive ears with me!
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