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All Blacks all conquering

11 October 2012, 10:25

Koos was checking out ve rugby, but anyone could mos see his whole mind wasn’t wif ve rugby.

‘You now, Beesblaas, vese blarry Greeks should stick to veir blarry shops and leave our lighties out!’

Piet turned to him. ‘What?!’ He was mos trying to check out ve rugby. He dirrint come all ve way to blarry Soweto and sit in blarry traffic for two blarry hours to listen to ve strond Koos was talking. ‘Koos, vere’s a blarry game on here, and vis are ve All Blacks. What ve hell are you karringing about?’

‘Vat blarry school Jannie goes to. Vey got a new teacher what talks kak.’

Piet rolled his eyes. He wasn’t going see any blarry rugby until he listened to Koos’ blarry moaning. ‘What’s wrong wif ve school?’

‘Blarry Greeks, vat’s what’s wrong! Blarry Greeks.’ He mumbled as he took a slikkie of his Coke, what was full of Klippies. ‘Vis teacher, Pyfagorus, he chaff vem pie are square and vat are kak! Pie are round: bread are square!’ He shook his head. ‘Blarry Gov’mint. No proper teachers anymore: vey must hire blarry Greeks!’

Piet said to him, ‘Are you sure he said vat? Are you sure Jannie wasn’t just talking kak?’

‘Ja, I'm sure!’ Koos was lekker red in ve face now, from ve Klippies and ve moer in.

Piet shook his head. ‘Ven vey must fire vat blarry teacher.’ He stopped and frowned. ‘No, you know, vat oke is right, Checkers mos sells square pies, so he’s not talking kak.’

Koos nodded slowly, ven he smiled, all lekker. ‘Ya, he must mos be talking about ve Checkers pies!’

‘Okay, now can we watch ve rugby?’ asked Piet.

So the two of vem sat and watched, but that ref was so kak, he was giving all ve points to ve All Blacks. Ve Bokke was going lekker vere, but vat blarry ref keeped on stopping vem. Ve ref fought he was ve blarry main ou on ve pitch. Ve All Blacks play lekker rugby, but no way are vey better van ve Bokke! Blarry ref! Vat’s because he’s blarry Autralian, vey don’t know ve blarry rules.

After ve All Blacks gave ve Bokke a kak pakslae, Piet and Koos walked bak to veir bakkie, lekker ve moer in. Pay so much blarry money, spend hours in ve traffic, and ven more hours getting home, just to see ve bokke get bliksemed by ve All Blacks.

‘I scheme it’s ve Gov’mint’s fault,’ said Koos.

‘You scheme?’ said Piet. Vis Gov’mint was so kak, he would believe it. ‘Why do you say that?’

‘What sport do vey play in vis stadium, here in Soweto?’

‘Soccer,’ said Piet, and ven he saw what Koos was talking about. ‘Ya, boet, you’re right. Maybe overseas teams like ve All Blacks can play rugby on a soccer field, but not a proper team like ve Bokke. Vey was supposed to play at Ellis Park. Vat’s mos a rugby gound!’

‘Ya,’ said Koos wisely. ‘Ve Gov’mint wants to make all ve white sports look bad, so vey make vem play in a soccer ground, where vere’s no blarry rugby heritage. Look what happened last week at Loftus. Vat’s a blarry rugby ground, boet, ve best in ve world! Ve blarry Aussies dirrint have a chance! Vat’s why vat blarry Aussie ref gave all ve points to ve All Blacks today.’

‘Ya boet, you’re right. I’m never coming here to watch Rugby again!’

‘You know, Piet, I fink you’re right.’

‘Why do you say vat?’

‘Somebody stole your bakkie!’

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