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The Last Contrarian
 
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An Oscar for Blade Runner?

04 September 2012, 08:28

I’m not talking about the 1982 movie starring Harrison Ford… I’m talking about the spectacle unfolding at the 2012 Paralympics!

With all the drama that emanated from Oscar Pistorius after his first ever 200m-sprint defeat by another blade runner, I would not be surprised if he receives the Hollywood accolade bearing his name for his role as the villainous sore-loser in 'The Paralympics 2012.'

Oscar Pistorius is one of those national heroes who will undoubtedly enjoy protection in the shelter of political correctness and pity-induced sympathy that exists for the physically challenged members of society. He is a poster-boy for an Oprah Winfrey couch-case, and the introspective moment people undergo when they watch a disabled person not become a total bum is what drives the idolatry surrounding successful physically challenged people!

The Oscar Pistorius debacle is but another case where political correctness will silence all criticism and absolve all responsibility on the part of Oscar Pistorius. After all, we already have political correctness protecting underperforming black people; if you fire one, then you're a racist imperialist! We have political correctness protecting gay people; if you are ever caught arguing with a gay person over a non-sexual orientation topic, then you are a homophobe! And we already have political correctness protecting women; if you are not volunteering at a woman’s shelter (or donating your bonus to one), then you are a sexist pig!

Oscar will be spared the viral criticism of his sportsmanship and character as a 'national hero' due to a particular genetic predisposition that led to him being born missing both fibulas—a condition which led to the amputation of the lower half off his legs before his first birthday. I can already see the surge of comments forcing me into adulation of all things Oscar Pistorius, purely for the sake of avoiding the guilt trip that will be brought on by the castigation from the mindless mob that has been brainwashed by political correctness!

I once heard political correctness described as the belief that one can pick up a turd by its clean end! I think this description totally embodies the self-defeating logic of political correctness. I will never be made to bow down to political correctness, and I hope you won’t either.

The spastic attempts of the less abled are such an inspiration to the abled because able-bodied people share the conviction that when someone is missing a limb (or more), all of a sudden that person's ambition in life becomes to occupy a decrepit wheelchair at SPAR whilst begging for money! It is this prolific belief that ‘less abled’ actually means TOTALLY INCAPACITATED that has led to this political correctness creeping into our culture to protect 'physically challenged' people from their responsibility to be hard-working, well-behaved, and contributing members of society!

I also suffered the curse of hearing my parents holler to me to come and watch the T.V. as some legless, armless, half-retarded kid attempts skydiving for the first time. Strapped to an able-bodied person's chest, out drops limbless... screeching in joy! The camera crew on the ground is eagerly awaiting the breathless response from Limbless, which they will use to make all of us at home feel as if WE are the ones with a defect because we are successful at other things! This is the sort of stuff that talk shows are made of; this is the sort of stuff that discovery channel documentaries are made of, and I am sick of it!

But let’s face it. Driving a car, going to work, paying your mortgage, taking your kids to school, and brushing your teeth are not nearly as exciting or inspiring to watch if an ABLE-BODIED person is doing all those things. No, no—it looks much more exciting when a man shoves his foot in his mouth to eat his mashed potatoes…

Most of us able-bodied people could perform similar feats of courage and physical exertion, only we have nothing to prove to society! That means we’re not the ones with the inferiority complex! That is a good thing people. And—just in case anyone is wondering—I can also run, swim, brush my teeth, raise a family, excel at my job, drive a car, and surf the internet just like most disabled people; I just happen to still have all my limbs attached!

Or perhaps we can avoid the talkshows and get treated to yet another uplifting documentary about the comeback athlete! These documentaries usually start with some dramatized story about a talented young athlete who—and this part is conveniently left out—after a night of unrestrained debauchery, crashed her bike into someone’s house, shedding a few limbs in the process. Two years later, though, she is back as the Trackinator! Half-human-half-the-work-of-the-devil (science) she now aims to prove to the world that she still has it! This is prime time stuff people!

Stop letting people who have to try harder make you feel as if you are not trying hard enough! Feel guilty only when you caused someone to lose an arm or a leg!

But perhaps I'm being hard on physically challenged people and Oscar Pretorius. After all, it has long been the tradition of men to compare their ‘leg size (and length)’ with that of their peers. I too have sought the aid of many a concoction to overcome my own flaccidity. I have yet to find something that gives me (if you'll pardon the pun) a LEG UP over the competition. I have never won the coveted urinal title of Totius the Great, and I can live with that because I don't earn a living with my leg(s).

Perhaps Oscar is having a bit of prosthesis envy?

Transhumanism Has Arrived

Oscar Pistorius will probably become the first individual of recorded transhumanist history. After all, in the decades that follow, blade runner may just become ‘450 Newton-meter bionic legs runner’. We may yet see Oscar drag racing a cheetah... and winning.

Of course, it won’t stop there. Inorganic organs may become coveted upgrades as they allow increased longevity and superior performance over our organic organs. It may be that able-bodied people will be envious of the previously ‘disabled.’ You don’t think so?

Well then, imagine when you read that the latest bionic eye for blind people features resolutions twice that of the human eye, magnification equal to that of binoculars, and visibility in both infrared and ultraviolet light! Do you really think your meager eyes, which can only see a slither of the light spectrum, will be able to compete against that? Bionic eyes will allow people to see as clearly at night as they do in the day. They may even have augmented reality that feeds information to them about their environment in a Robocop-like heads up display!

It gets even better… or worse, depending on how religious you are. Imagine artificial lungs that are immune to cancer from smoking; imagine an artificial stomach and intestinal tract that can block carcinogenic compounds in food or block fat from being absorbed by the body; imagine cognitive enhancement chips that give the bearer the ability to access the internet with mere thought and store all that they have learned perfectly in memory.

The age of the transhumanist is upon us comrades. Soon the Lonmin strikes will be about who gets the bionic shovel arms that will allow them to dig faster and get more pay!

No doubt, religion will do what it has done throughout humankind’s attempts to advance and civilize itself... complain and criticise! But soon humankind will give god the finger (again) and proclaim, "We are not made in anyone's image but that of our own!"

It brings great joy to me, as a South African, to see a fellow South African write the first page of recorded history for the forthcoming transhuminist era, but it is such a pity that he displays what is so wrong with us as South Africans: We can't accept another's achievements without discrediting and whining about the perceived unfairness of it all.

...Oh and can some Afrikaans grapgat please do a song about Oscar? Here is my recommendation for a title: Die Lem Loop!

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