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An SA Copypasta

05 February 2013, 12:00

South Africa

Is at the tip of Africa, filled with aids, rape and the most enlightened individuals on the globe

Populace:

The epitome of democracy, S. A. sports an indisputably corrupt government, yet I vote for them because: “J whitie Vitsek!” But honestly that is why I vote ANC. SA has eleven official languages, ten of which are archaic and completely redundant. It is also the one of the only African countries with white people left, along with Zimbabwe (where they may already be extinct), and Namibia but this is only because they are too poor to afford a plane ticket back to the United Kingdom. The South African farming community is renowned for its peaceful and uneventful atmosphere.

White people:

Three percent of the population is of English stock, otherwise Scottish, Irish, or Welsh. There is also significant German, Italian, and Gay communities. These passively racist supremacists consider themselves normal Europeans or indigenous Africans depending on the matter being debated, (let’s not go there), and not to be mistaken with the...

Dutchmen:

A large part of South Africa's Caucasian population is made up of inbred Euro trash. Dutchmen are the South African equivalent to the redneck with a rich and diverse culture, dating back many centuries. Most associate themselves with wholesome country values despite being twisted fucks.

Jews:

Everywhere.

Wild Boars:

Also known as the Albino African, Boars, or White Africans, are a unique sub-tribe of genetically-challenged Khoisan. Loathed by their neighbours due to their lack of skin pigmentation and general bellicosity they developed in isolation herding their goats. Seeing that every other tribe around them had an established form of communication, but being too self-hating to adopt a Bantu dialect, they proceeded to mutilate four European languages (mostly Dutch) and melt them together into one disgusting, offensive joke of a language with too many vowels, which they called Afrikaans.

 In the same manner, their sneaky cultural strategy was to convince the British that they were not Black, but the Brits having navigated the World and had the foresight to proclaim: “Vitsek Boar!”  Boars are very proud of their Vitsek which they call "The Great Voetsek" and constitutes the cornerstone of their history.

Blacks:

As a Cape Coloured I consider these folk to be my brethren, as my parents were active in the resistance both under and above ground, stuffing up my childhood six love. However due to most of my friends parents being part of the Apartheid systems fifths column, (house slaves used to keep the darker skins in check), the relationship is under strain. However if I could smack every coloured person in the Western Cape and shout “wake up stop voting D.A.” they might stop getting all agitated by seeing Django on a horse and realign in a manner to achieve my Vision of:  “J whitie Vitsek!”

NB: Rise up bra!

Indian:

As a Cape-Malay with a gigantic yet majestic nose I am often mistaken for Indian. Indians are known EXTREMELY well for their delicious spices, and their invention, the "Bunny Chow". The Bunny Chow is made up of half a loaf of bread, with the inside of the bread cut out they begin to put spices, leaves, chicken, meat, rice etc. They have a tendency of hiring maids by the name Patience or Gloria. They hire gardeners by the name Geoffrey, Justice and Godfree.

Coloureds:

I am coloured. Coloured people are some mixture of the above. They are also known by the affectionate terms "gam" and "hotnot". I am a niche category colourfully labelled “Slams”. I am true to that label.  Greek, Portuguese and your mother are also considered coloured by the framework that has not changed at all in the Western Cape despite giving the appearance of change.

History

The country was formed in 1652 by anonymous Dutch guys searching for spices.

 In, 1820, when the British Empire sent over 9,000 settlers and dropkicked the Dutch, ag shame.

By 1838 the Voortrekkers had driven their bandwagon so far up the country that they were forced into a war against the Zulus.

10,000 Zulu Warriors attacked the Voortrekkers' base, defended by an army of only 470 Voortrekkers with magical fire-sticks. 3,000 Zulus got fatally headshot. Only three Voortrekkers were wounded.

The British ruled South Africa till it was depreciated to its residual value, and then left. The whiteys who stayed decided to construct a framework to establish ownership over every single resource and person within the country, they called this framework Apartheid.

Apartheid created massive drama until about 1990, After which the residual value of the Country was depleted and South Africa was officially declared scrap metal. So the government let Morgan Freeman out of Robben Island.

Whitey thought that there would be a huge civil war and everything would go to hell when the Keys to the Government were handed over to a bunch of black people. This is the main problem with whitie, he cannot fathom that ratlike aggression and lizard brain mentality are theirs alone.

Whitey's immediate response to this was to hastily evacuate all his children to London, Australia, New Zealand, London, Ireland, London, London, Canada, and Dubai. Because the First World is full of incredibly lazy people, the hardworking nature of the white South Africans landed them great jobs on factory assembly lines.

These immigrants were given a nickname, they were called "Saffirs," or "Saffas." This word is derived from the word "kaffirs," which is what white people used to call blacks in the days of Apartheid. Ironically, the word "Saffa" is a racial slur used today to refer to white South African immigrants. This is funny, since most Saffas are too dumb to understand it.

Please note I post this for the lulz.

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