PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Gorgon Zola
 
Comments: 163
Article views: 2004
 
 
Latest Badges:


 
View all Gorgon Zola's badges.
 

An invitation to evangelise

17 September 2013, 07:36
To all the evangelists out there, this one's for you.

I was a Christian. Now I'm an atheist. Due to my atheism, evangelists try their utmost to convert me back to Christianity. This problem is not exclusive to us atheists. In addition to bothering atheists, evangelists lay siege to the faith of members of competing religions.

Until fairly recently, I emphatically stood my ground against evangelism. I considered it impossible that I could ever be converted back to Christianity. I was wrong; it is possible.

Having been a staunch Catholic until I was 16, I know a thing or two about the content of the bible. For me, two verses have always stood out. When I was a Christian, I found them to be impressive. Now I consider them to be the flaky musings of people who regularly missed the pill trolley.

If evangelists want to convert me (and a heap of other people) to Christianity, there are only four simple tasks they'll need to successfully complete. I shall now outline these tasks.

Task one: Move a mountain by faith alone. Impossible? Not according to the bible. Matthew 17:20 clearly states: "Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.". If any evangelist would like a bit of practice before tackling that, I'd be happy to have my house shifted a little to the left; my driveway's narrow.

Tasks two, three, and four, are listed in Mark 16:18. It's like this: "...they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well." In terms of the first part, the evangelist is required to handle a snake and be unharmed. I'm not talking about a tame non-venomous snake from a local pet shop or reptile park. The evangelist will need to go out to the veld, find a Puff Adder, and give it a sincere hug. Of course, it needn't be a puff adder; any venomous snake will suffice. However, if it's a rinkals, goggles must be worn. Naturally, if the evangelist is an experienced snake handler, this task may be skipped because it won't count.
 
Now on to my favourite: drinking deadly poison. The evangelist must do the following: take a drive to the local superstore and purchase a container of drain cleaner. They'll need to swallow the contents and remain unharmed. That's a walk in the park. Right?

To cap off the tasks in that verse, the evangelist will need to cure a sick person by placing their hands on them. And no, I'm not talking about a runny nose or a nuisance cough. In order to remove all doubt that the cure isn't a natural occurrence (like getting over the flu), the evangelist is required to cure someone with a genetic disorder. For the sake of ease, numerous defects are listed here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_genetic_disorders.

If any evangelist can prove to me that they've successfully completed these tasks, I'll admit that Christianity is the way to go, and I'll happily convert back. Otherwise, they need to keep their nonsense to themselves.

By the way, after having recently presented all this to an evangelist, he informed me that these verses are not to be taken literally. This was after he said these tasks won't be a problem, then backtracked when I asked him to demonstrate them. Hmm.

So, which parts of the bible are to be taken literally? The ones evangelist A believes should be taken literally, or the onesevangelist B thinks should be taken literally. What about evangelist C?  Shoo, that sounds like a tough one!

I invite the successful evangelist to publicly convert me when they're done.

I wish them luck!
...they'll need it.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
163 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
John Murphy
Rugby

The despised English introduced Rugby in 1858 and it became so popular that in 1902 there was a temporary ceasefire in the Second Boer War so that a game could be played between British and Boer forces. Read more...

0 comments 75 views
Submitted by
NomfundoMlaba
Dark side of a rainbow nation

As a privileged born free of South Africa, I am deeply agonised to see how much we as the privileged youth don’t appreciate the simple things in life. Read more...

4 comments 775 views
Submitted by
Matjila Alejandro
Amplats’ cowardice should not be ...

I urge the powers-that-be to hurry and table legislation that would make what Amplats is doing illegal soon and to force other players to respect the workers’ right to strike and to fair bargaining. Read more...

7 comments 104 views
Submitted by
Reflect 014
Treachery part 4 - Ideology – the...

The author of pawns asserts that whichever side wins out, the internationalists of either persuasion will call for a world government as the only solution to handling humanities problems. Read more...

3 comments 40 views
Submitted by
Terence Wessels
It's hard not to give up!

I cry for my country, she is dying in front of us, and we are all powerless to stop her murderer. Read more...

9 comments 243 views
Submitted by
Bolsheviks Partysa
Government's proposed retirement ...

Members to the pension fund should remain in control of the funds and treasury and or government should allow members to withdraw the funds as and when they wish to do so. Read more...

6 comments 349 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

2 TV Series for R250

Get 2 TV Series box sets for R250 and save up to R148! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on beauty & fragrances

Save up to 30% off beauty and fragrances. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on electronics!

Save up to 35% on electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.