From the outset, let me state that I am no fan of yours or the ANC. Even as an Atheist, I pray that Jesus will come tomorrow and put an end to your nonsense. However, I have to be objective when it comes to how you are portrayed in the media, and in this respect, you have my sympathy.
You have often said you are unduly criticised, and in the last edition of the Sunday Times, you most certainly were. In another article about your modest home in Nkandla, it stated that “Engineers called for a sewage treatment plant capable of catering for up to 375 people a day.”
This is blatantly untrue. I know that they were only thinking of visits by your nephew, Khulubuse Zuma, when planning this treatment plant. Of course they could not say so directly, as it would not only be politically incorrect and suicidal but counter, counter revolutionary. I also know that it is because of his frequent dinner visitations, that you have opted to retire in the comfort of your underground bunker, complete with air conditioning. I can understand the addition of a gas detection system- just in case Khulubuse came looking for leftovers. You need advance warning of a character with so much charm and effluence. (Sorry, it’s this American spell check of mine)
I have also read that Julius Malema’s EFF is making in roads into your territory, and because I would like the tender for re-thatching your buildings when Public Works decide that they have faded too much for your liking, I offer you this: (for your election posters, I think the nation will be collectively sick if they see another promise) EFF off, Vote ANC.
Please, that does not mean that you can remove EFF from the ballot paper, at least not for this election.
Dr Roof (thatch specialist)