PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
R.Phiri
 
Comments: 17
Article views: 0
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all R.Phiri's badges.
 

Another 'Tiger Woods' paroled

21 July 2012, 21:04

In the news this hour: Another “Tiger Woods” will be teeing off on greener pastures very soon.

Convicted former police Chief Jackie Selebi was released on medical parole this week. This was announced by Minister of Correctional Services, Sbu Ndebele, at a media briefing in Pretoria. Selebi's wife successfully applied for him to be released on medical grounds. The department has announced that Selebi will be released from prison due to his condition, because the department can't offer the special care he needs. To elaborate further on the matter we now cross over to Senior Journalist R.Phiri, who single handedly discovered that the human fart contributes to Global Warming by approximately 2.3%.

Presenter:  Can you confirm Selebi’s release?

R.Phiri: Yes…The announcement of Selebi’s release was announced by Minister of Correctional Services, Sbu Ndebele on Friday this week. As you know Sbu is that rear end of a man, who failed dismally in trying to shove the E-tolling system down the throats’ of South African motorists. Selebi is being released on medical grounds aka medical parole …for those who find the term alien… medical parole simply means Shaiktitis – a disease which is quite common amongst ANC officials facing prosecution or the inevitable prospect of jail time.

Presenter: So his release was inevitable?

R.Phiri: The man clearly had it marked on his Bucket and To Do List…Ironically the first thing on the list was get sick, which was marked “checked”, second was medical parole which was also marked “checked” and lastly it was A game of golf with Schabir, which was marked “pending”…”waiting for golf clubs from Mbeki”…As in former oust South African president, T Mbeki…who analyst say had a hand in Selebi’s fate.

Presenter: By medical grounds…what sickness are we looking at here?

R.Phiri: A member of the Medical Advisory Board says Selebi suffers from end stage renal disease as a complication of diabetes and receives dialysis three times a day. Selebi will now have to pay his own medical bills; the announcement was made by the Steve Biko Academic Hospital in Pretoria, where he is being treated. Although his in the final stages of kidney failure, thanks to a divine power…he will still have enough power for a game of Golf, hence this is why I have dubbed the man Tiger Woods.

Presenter: But won’t Selebi's release send out a message that not all people are equal before the law?

R.Phiri: A Spokesperson for the ANC says it would have been insensitive of Correctional Services Minister Sbu, not to accept the recommendations of his release; in any case the decision by the Medical Parole Board was unanimous. In the same breath the Department of Corrections services says the release of Selebi on medical parole is not special treatment and apparently six offenders were also released on medical parole…but officials are keeping their names a secret…since the six are Selebi’s imaginary friends. If you not an ANC card carrying member…well than you have higher chances finding unicorns, the tooth fairy, lepricons and other mythical creatures like an honest politician. Hell you have higher chances not dying from your wife’s cooking. Other inmates also received medical parole…but through a pine box.

Presenter: So what does this release entail?

R.Phiri: Basically one more added criminal on our golf course, loneliness for horny inmates – with a fetish for men in uniform and one less idiot that taxpayers have to sponsor for in prison. His release will also impact our economy negatively; as Vaseline sales have plummeted – hitting an all time low. I guess in reality if you are a card crying member, the grass is greener on the other side…of the prison bars. Lastly do you remember the movie Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Well Rupert Wyatt, the film’s British director, says his planning to do a sequel in South African…since there is an abundant supply of Banana Republicans in parliament.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
17 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Lion87
I Believe in Santa

Santa provides so much wonder and awe to millions of kids around the world Read more...

15 comments 152 views
Submitted by
Lindi Gross
On the subject of theft

In another vein - this is about petty thievery from homes. It is rife in the suburbs and although the Police are prompt and attentive - nothing is ever recovered.  Read more...

5 comments 911 views
Submitted by
Scooterza
The Sexless Marriage/Relationship

This is a hot topic at the moment with the recent survey saying SA men get nookie on average 52 times a year and the story of the husband who emailed his wife a list of excuses she gave for not engaging in sex.  Read more...

19 comments 1544 views
Submitted by
Jim Dickson
Violations Processing Centre

I find it very interesting, having moved to Cape Town, not just to avoid E-Tolls, that when I received my first ever E-Toll bill it is issued by the “Violations Processing Centre”. Read more...

8 comments 374 views
Submitted by
Godless Heathen
If you are calling for the death ...

We always get told that Bantu education was a sorry mess and the poor oppressed previously have nots were seriously disadvantaged by the system.  Read more...

58 comments 1890 views
Submitted by
jeremy thorpe
"Train" yourself to avoid e-tolls...

My journey to work now involves a trip on the Gautrain from Rosebank to Pretoria, followed by a brief 12 minute trip on Metrorail from Pretoria station to my place of work. Read more...

16 comments 1901 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

2 TV Series for R250

Get 2 TV Series box sets for R250 and save up to R148! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Pre-order the Xbox One

Get this all-in-one entertainment system with live TV, movies, social networking and gaming. Pre-order now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Mind blowing deals on electronics!

Save up to 35% on electronics. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.