PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Tyronehster
 
Comments: 5
Article views: 211
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Tyronehster's badges.
 

Ball Games

10 February 2014, 07:17

It took a lot of balls for Sir Iru to relate this morning the story he did, and because he’s so intent on topping me, I think it’s my turn.

A farmer found out he was going to die shortly and decide it was time to divide his farm up among his three sons. It was a small farm. In fact, it was a smallholding, but I don’t like to speak of smallholding and balls in the same sentence.

Nevertheless, his farm was ten (10) acres! That’s right, count them, ten! And he had to divide his farm between his sons. Or have I already said that?

He said to the oldest, ‘Son, I’m giving you six acres.’

‘Thank you, father.’  Very formal.

He turned to the middle son and said, ‘I’m giving you four acres.’

The youngest son wailed, ‘What about me?’

He kicked him in the balls and said, ‘There’s two achers to start with.’

Now I know this is not funny, because it’s so painful, but once you’ve wiped the tears from your streaming eyes, you’ll see the story has merit. In bygone days, the youngest son had to go abroad to seek his fortune, so this was a good, if painful, result for him.

Speaking of balls, Helen Zille seems to have lost hers, along with her marbles. What was she doing proposing Ramphele Mamphele as Presidential candidate of the DA?

She always reminded me of Margaret Thatcher, who had more balls than her entire cabinet. Once, when lunching at the Whitehall canteen with two of her senior ministers, the waiter approached and, of course, deferred to her. ‘What’ll you have?’ he murmured.

‘The roast beef,’ she said, handing back the menu.

‘Vegetables?’

‘They’ll have the same.’

Somewhere along the line Godzille lost her balls of steel.

Very silly

Helen Zille

Made an offer to Ramphele

Be a DA resident

And we’ll make you President

Silly, silly move, that.

And speaking of the French (we weren’t? My memory must be going.)

And speaking of the French (we weren’t? My memory must be going.)

So, yes, speaking of the French, I mentioned a while ago that they regard themselves as the world’s greatest lovers and nowhere is this better borne out than in the following story.

Pierre Duval goes into a gay bar in gay Paree and has a glass or two of wine, then one of Pernod. Afterwards, as nature would have it, he needs to visit the gents, which he does.

As he walks in, he sees a very effeminate-looking young man standing at the urinal and he stands next to him. Looking down, he says, ‘M’sieur, what a beautiful tool you have!’

The young man, most flattered, and not a little aroused, says, ‘Oh, thank you!’

‘Please, may I touch it?’

‘Ooh, of course!’

And Pierre touches and strokes it, then exclaims, ‘M’sieur, your balls! They are too wonderful! Please, may I touch them?’

Now Pierre is a handsome and charming chap, and the young man says, ‘Ooh, of course!’

‘Aah, they are too wonderful! Like silk: please, may I hold them?’

‘Ooh yes, of course you can!’ says the young man excitedly.

Pierre slips his hand into the young man’s trousers and holds his goolies.  ‘Your wallet, please.’

Now I know this is not the sort of story I should be telling on this highly esteemed forum, and for that I apologise, but it’s a Friday and thank goodness I don’t drink, or I would drown my sorrows and my shame at having written, nay submitted! an article of this nature.

Finally, let me say, ‘Give that man a Balls!’

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
5 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Daai Een
The white struggle

I'm urging the beneficiaries of Apartheid to stop acting like evangelists, and get over themselves. Read more...

16 comments 331 views
Submitted by
ThabangMaaake
Gayton McKenzie must know that Ma...

I suspect Gayton passed woodwork with flying colours and that creates a problem for him now that he wants to be a politician. Read more...

21 comments 436 views
Submitted by
Jolanda Andrag
The Apathy of SA’s Academics

With SA’s leading opposition party, the DA, feeling uncomfortable in its own skin, traditional white farmers joining the EEF, the uncertain future of the ANC as ruling party, the frustrated workers class, the ANC’s radical land and transformation plans and a president who is reluctant to face justice, South Africans need to sit down and talk. Read more...

17 comments 395 views
Submitted by
Breinlekkasie
Paradoxical Judgement of the Fait...

A very interesting observation is that the majority of those who condemn Oscar Pistorius are actually Christians. Read more...

81 comments 702 views
Submitted by
Elma Fourie
High School In Cape Town March to...

At 10:50 today school children marched to the Education Department because they do not have teachers. Read more...

1 comments 262 views
Submitted by
JulianMeyer13
10 ways to get more oomph out of ...

If you feel frustrated with life and the fact that we do not get enough oomph out of it, don’t despair! Read more...

2 comments 230 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Escape winter, head to Mauritius

Escape winter by spending 7 nights in Mauritius' tropical bliss from R13 215 per person sharing. Includes return flights, airport transfers and accommodation. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Mother’s Day special offers!

Spoil mom with these awesome specials that will warm her heart. Shop now!

Twisp – the smoking alternative

Buy any 2 refills for R250 and save R149. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

25% off bestselling books!

The Real Meal Revolution by Tim Noakes, Jeffrey Archer’s Be Careful What You Wish for, Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frank and many more titles. Shop now!

Mother’s Day specials on appliances

Browse our range of Mother’s Day appliances to spoil and pamper mom. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

DStv HD PVR Decoder now R949

The DStv HD PVR Decoder has further revolutionised the television experience with lifelike viewing, sharper images, more vibrant colours and precision picture quality. Now R949, save R550. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.