I'm the real expert and so you should lend your ears to me.
I'm an expert on sagging boobs, finantial troubles, bad luck at the roulette wheel, prophecies on the future [and getting really good at predicting the past], erectile dysfunction, special spiritual insight on all the scriptures and yes... I'm the best scientist on earth!
Many will try and make fun of me and my lysdexia, and they will try to run me down but I'm really your savior... here at last.
My ego is so large... I stand in the shade.
First on my list of miracles:
Man jailed for catching a protected shark...
I still read headlines from time to time and found that my great, and always smiling friend, Nibbles the friendly man-eater shark, and his all pearly whites smile, is with us no more... I'll be crying myself to sleep tonight.
Some man fished him out of the waters and deserves the death penalty, and after that at least 150 years community service.
We remember Nibbles from how he has touched us, our friends and dear children in the past, and no man can truly say that he hasn't been touched by the personality of smiling Nibbles, the misunderstood great white.
We all have summer photos of some loved one disappearing in a stain of red, or friends being dragged from the oceans without limbs flapping about, squirting authentic looking play blood over rescuers as they pretended to revive and repair the practical jokes of poor misunderstood Nibbles.
You see.... Nibbles merely thought they looked like sea turtles.
Nibbles doesn't have good eyesight like the rest of us, and he doesnt' smell that good either. Nibbles offed these thousands of dumb humans by accident, and when asked in an underwater sea court for animal rights... Nibbles stated that he meant no harm.
Man quickly cottoned on to the genius on the sea bed rule of law and applied no cross examination before legally protecting Nibbles from fishermen, and soon Nibbles enjoyed the best landfood platter imaginable - for free.
There are people in this world that think that sharks are just fish with teeth and that they intentionally kill things including humans. This... my uneducated idiots, is not the case. Dont believe the dead or that sports fisherman ... My ego towers far higher than theirs.
So who gets to help pay for Nibbles the dead over-sized goldfish?
Well the dude's going to prison, so hes not paying for his stay inside the chamber of shame.
He may have saved a few human lives there, and so the shark families will enjoy compensation... actually no. Probably not. Once loot gets to land ... consider it gone. The level of stupidity and immorality above the sea level is far worse than below. So the poor sharks lose out again.
So we, the taxpayer will have to foot the bill. The fisherman's career would be destroyed and friendly smiling, Nibbling misunderstood sharks can continue to touch our lives...
After prison the fisherman's name can be added to the unemployment list and he may well touch our lives by relocating our televisions to help pay for his aids medicine.