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Brainwashing For Dummies - The Christian Edition

21 February 2013, 13:56

Brainwashing people into Christianity is a very simple task.  All you need to do is follow a few simple steps and move on to the next step at the right time.  It is very vital that you begin brainwashing your target recruit at a very young age.  If you wait too long and your target recruit has grown past the age of reason, you will need solid tangible evidence, which does not exist.  Please note that the standard Christian brainwashing method does not have a 100% success rate.  There are a few here and there where it failed and the target remained or returned to being atheist like at birth.

To ensure a good success rate, it is best to start brainwashing a person at around 2 years of age, or whatever age the child is at where it is showing signs of understanding when being spoken to.  Small children believe and take as fact everything their parents tell them and this will prove VERY useful when brainwashing a child.  It is very important that you make it sound appealing to the child.  You should do it in the same way as you do with Santa or the tooth fairy.  Small children find being loved VERY appealing, so teaching them that Jesus loves them is mandatory.  You will need to keep at it until you notice the child getting a warm and fuzzy feeling whenever hearing the name Jesus.  Children's songs written about Jesus and sang in groups is also a useful tool for creating warm and fuzzy feelings in small children and it is highly recommended that you use it.  You should teach them about heaven and about how being a good little boy/girl would get him/her there.  Again, it is important that you teach all these things as FACT, and keeping in mind that small children believe every last word you say, all should be smooth sailing.

Around the age of seven or eight, things may start to get a tiny bit complicated, because at this age their brain-development has reached the stage where they start processing information by themselves.  Some people call this the age of reason.  It is VITAL that you send them to the professional brain-washers BEFORE they reach this age.  I'm talking about Sunday school.   The best time to send them to Sunday school would be around the time they start pre-school, and for best results they should be sent to a Christian-run pre-school, so to keep the rate of brainwashing constant.  The aim is to bring the brainwashing to the next level to install a certain defense mechanism into the mind before it develops what is Christianity's (and all other religions) worst enemy - intellect.

The defense mechanism I speak of is Satan and hell.  When a child develops intellect, warm and fuzzy feelings loses its effectiveness.  Around this age, they will naturally figure out on their own that there is no Santa and no tooth fairy, so in order to prevent them from figuring out that there is no Jesus, you should start using fear as a tool before that happens.  This is where Satan and hell becomes a VERY  effective and VERY USEFUL tool.

For now you don't really need to worry much about Satan.  For the next three years or so you should concentrate on hell and what happens when you're bad.  The idea is to keep with the warm fuzzy feelings stuff, but at the same time imprinting the concept of hell into their young minds.

Around the age of thirteen, your recruit should be at the stage where he/she can analyze and interpret information and should have the ability to reason.  This is where things start to get difficult.  With all the brainwashing you did so far, the child should by now be a very devout Christian, but due to the ability of reason, you will now have to haul out the biggest weapon in your arsenal - Satan.  What you should do now is teach your recruit about Satan and his mission to break his faith.  This is a simple, but time consuming task.

To try and make this description short, Satan is an intellectual filter.  It lets through all logical and reasonable information to be deliberated, but blocks off all information that contradicts what the person has been brainwashed into believing.  In order for it to work, a lot of work has to go into this.  Satan must be taught to be the source of all evil, the ruler of hell and the master of lies.  Satan must be taught to be the most evil and sadistic being that has ever existed and is never to be messed with.  It must be taught that Satan can attack you, can screw with your life and is cause of everything bad that happens. This is the most vital step in the whole brainwashing process.  Once you notice your recruit is uncomfortable saying Satan's name or even writing it, then you know you have succeeded.  This will not happen overnight.

Once your recruit fears Satan, the next step is to actually start using Satan as a tool to continue your brainwashing quest.  Satan will be the main ingredient in keeping your recruit brainwashed, so pay attention.  As I said earlier, Satan is an intellectual filter.  Throughout high school, your recruit is going to encounter new information and new experiences all the time.  A lot of it will contradict what you have been imprinting into the young one's mind.  This is where Satan comes into play.  All you need to do is to tell your subject that everything he/she encounters that contradicts what you've been brainwashing him/her into believing is Satan testing his/her faith in order to win his/her soul to hell.  Contradictions = Satan's work = hell.  It is a very simple and very effective formula and it works.  Your recruit will encounter people who knows better and may attempt to free his/her mind, but a simple and effective defense against those people is to simply train your recruit into believing they are Satanists trying to drag Christians to hell with them.  If you can keep this up until your child reaches the age of eighteen, then the brainwashing will be completed and you should have yourself a fresh intellectual slave which will remain firm in faith well into old age.

Chances are that you will not be able to do this on your own, so it is very important that you send them to Sunday school and church, and it is important that they get their education from a Christian primary and high school.

Good luck.

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