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Solarflair
 
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Breaking up my first bromance

29 August 2012, 11:57
Breaking up my first bromance

A week ago I broke up with my partner in life and it got me thinking about why relationships sometimes don’t work. I started questioning myself, of why  did I let my love slip away, , you see it’s not like I don’t love my now former partner, and I wondered why sometimes love just aren’t enough . I also asked myself why am I not balling my eyes out, and why do I feel a sense of relief.

Well after I confronted myself with these questions I came up with some reasoning, of that in my situation and circumstance made sense to me.
  1. LOVE – I know that there is different kind of love , I am sure I an capable of love being a parent, looking in the eyes of my children ,there is a bond of love witch to me is unbreakable, So I ask myself , did I feel this way for my former partner?  If I really think about it the answer is Yes .

  1. TRUST- relationships are build on trust and it takes two to tango , in my relationship I did trust my partner and respected him for trusting me, there was a understanding that we having my children in the house were going to make a house filled with love and compassion

  1. FAITHULNES- in our year and a bit together I can honestly say that we were faithful to each other and not me neither him cheated on each other  

  1. MONEY- We didn’t have a lot of money but  here at the end we were getting of our feet, money is a issue that most couples argue about and this was the same for us, not that we had a lot to argue over, to me our biggest argument was about money , but  we had a roof over our heads and food to eat everyday  

  1. SAME INTERESTS- we shared friends and we were social  , and now and then we went out had a good time at our favorite club something that married folks with children don’t often do, He loved and I am sure still loves my children,

So with all this going for us why didn’t it work out?


  1. COMMUNICATION – this is probably the biggest problem that we had in our relationship, and the last five weeks of our relationship we hardly spoke a few words to each other. This to me was like life blood of our relationship was being sucked out . not talking to each other caused, me to doubt myself  as a person and my capability to love, it caused my to question my partners love for me ,caused me to question his trust of me and his faithfulness, not that I had any reason  to doubt any of this. It was just a case of no communication at all caused this.

  1. STUBBORNNESS – being two men we were both stubborn unwilling to budge if something came up that we didn’t like, we were unable to find a way to resolve differences, accusing each other of  trying to change each other this lead to the silence that followed . I think most couples struggle with finding a new identity together even in strait relationships , couples who make it  work on each other everyday and they give and take, this give and take I think was not present in our relationship

  1. SEX: As humans  our well-being are emotionally driven and  a sex drive is normal in gay men just like in strait men , some people like to do it every day and some people likes to get busy maybe only once a week   we all differ , in my relationship we had a very active sex life in the beginning when we were still in love this the normalized to the above mentioned  normal  frequency ,and later on it was used as a  tool ,to make each other miserable ,this is the same in strait couples as well .

  1. HAPPINESS :once we reached the stage were we wert communicating the sex dried up the stubbornness set in and after five weeks of this ,I was feeling depressed , lonely , hart broken ,and I had a feeling of just basically that I was wasting my time.

One day I talked to him and told him how I felt and that we need to change or brake up
And yes we chose to brake up we didn’t fight, we didn’t have anger, we made a decision and now its over

WHO IS TO BLAME: we both are!!!We were unable to budge, unable at the end to make exceptions for each other, unable to fight for each other  

Why can’t we try again? , well the hurt that all of this has caused me is one thing and the other thing is the hurt I have caused him , knowing each other by now , I would say that our relationship has been severely strained and we probably should look for more compatible partners in life

For the hurt and anger I feel I have forgiven him, I which him a grate life and hope some day we can be friends. It’s a cliché know but this is how I feel, I hope one day he can forgive me  

Every body in life deserves some happiness , I hope by me shearing my experience with you ,that you can learn from my mistakes , communicating with your loved ones, listening to them when they talk and compromising  when  you must . is just as important as love


PS TO THE SPELLING NATZIS I WROTE A ARTICLE ON DISLEXIA JUST FOR YOU!!! LOOK IT UP –I am dyslexic and proud of it!!!



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