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Anne Dolinschek
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Breakup survival tips

13 September 2013, 15:06

We’ve all been there, feeling terribly sorry for ourselves and crying ourselves to sleep after a breakup. I believe that no matter whether you are the dumper or dumpee that no breakup is easy, for either party. You’re basically making a decision to cut someone out of your life, potentially forever or have this decision forced upon you. It sucks. This is someone who you got used to having in your space (and didn’t mind it) and cared about (which in my case generally means that I can stand having you around most of the time) and shared your most intimate thoughts with. Of course you’re going to mourn the loss of this person from your life. I don’t know about you guys, but it sometimes takes me years to fully get over someone. This  is mostly from a female perspective, I'm not sure how men go about these things except for drinking and partying loads and bed many many women. The cheerleaders and I compiled this list of dos and don’ts to survive a breakup.

1. Do not stalk your ex on social media. Just don’t do it. Trust me on this one. You will be tempted and you just want to “see how he's is coping with the breakup”. No sunshine, what you’ll probably find is someone carrying on as if nothing happened or tons of pictures with thousands of twinkies or just one  twinkie (this is worse). It will set you back in your healing process, you’ll get all emotional and upset/angry/cry for hours and eat the contents of your fridge or worse, send scathing texts to him. It’s not very becoming, darling. Step away from the ice cream and your phone. A little secret – men will pretend like nothing is wrong and show off with hot new twinkies for all to see, but they’re dying just as much as you are inside. Maybe deep, deep down inside, but they’re not coping either. This is their way of acting out.

2. Resist the urge. No matter how upset you are feeling, resist the urge to post anything about him on social media. DON’T DO IT. It makes you look needy and pathetic. Harsh, I know, but truth be told, you are just feeding his ego (no need for this, he’s quite good at this himself).

3. No stalking the twinkies. When you see pictures of him and the twinkie(s) on FB, please, under no circumstances “friend” or cyber stalk the twinkie(s). It won’t make you feel better. EVER.

4. Cut their social media feeds out of your life. Stage a complete black out, even if just for a while. Having to see his face/statuses on a regular basis will not help your little wound heal. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes you forget. That’s my experience anyways. So, kick him out of your world. It won’t help you in any way to know what he’s up to and with whom. Also put away all pictures you have of him or the two of you together. It doesn't help seeing how happy you guys once were. *vom* This counts for pictures you have on your phone too. Delete all those pictures. I know it's difficult and I held my breath when I hit that little delete button. But, what a relief when you realise you won't accidentally stumble onto his picture when you're on your phone. Do it. Use that delete button. 

5. Delete, delete, delete. Listen up. This is the most important one. Delete all contact details you have for him. ALL OF IT. Phone number, BBM, email addresses etc. All of it. Simply, because you will have a lapse in judgement at 3am at some point and you will have the alcohol/sadness induced urge to tell him just how much you miss him. This is not you texting/emailing/phoning, it’s vodka, sadness or the sugar high you. It’s embarrassing and you will have to deal with the consequences the next day. “I miss you” – regards 3am me or even “ajhdfqiweuydh” regards drunk me – this will set you back months of recovery.

6. Drink. A lot. I read this somewhere “drink so much that your head hurt as much as your heart” and I think that’s the perfect description of what you need to do. Act out a bit, kiss loads of men and get a little bit out of control. Distractions are key at this stage. When you got all of that out of your system, you’ll be ready to pick yourself up and act like a sane and well-behaved lady again.

7. Become a hermit for a bit. Switch off your phone, ignore your PC and delve into a good book, movie or even take a trip. Seek out your fave episodes of SATC, Hart of Dixie, Friends or whatever you love and watch it for days. It'll make you feel better. Oh and the best part - listen to sad sad music loudly and sing along :) Some temporary avoidance is great. The idea is to spend loads of time by yourself and to get to know yourself again, as a single. Figure out what it is that you want, what you like. Mr Nice Guy added this “feet up on the coffee table, TV on a gripping TV show, a 2 litre bottle of brandy and coke, phone off and a pillow for when I pass out.” See? Men do this too! 

8. Not all men are scum or dawgs. In the moment you may feel that way, but it is awfully unfair. I have loads of great male friends and I can’t place them in the same category as the few men who can’t be bothered to be decent human beings. Keep this in mind. Most guys are good and nice and decent. Spend time with some of your male friends to gain some perspective on the situation from a guy’s point of view. They’re also great at comforting our torn little hearts and they’ll offer to break the stupid man’s kneecaps :)

9. Surround yourself with your cheerleaders. There is no better cure than being with your most fave people in the world. They’ll wipe your tears, listen to your heart wrenching story a million times, give you loads of chocolate and booze, and in my case, literally pick you up off bathroom floors and make sure that you are okay. They will also do some male bashing with you, be the best wing women EVER and watch Bridgette Jones with you. They will send you daily motivational texts and emails and when the time is right, they'll shake the crazy out of you. That's what good cheerleaders do. 

It all comes down to this really: Moan to your friends, always have booze in your fridge, spend some time alone and misbehave a bit. Done. 

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