PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
GonzoMike
 
Comments: 5
Article views: 1872
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all GonzoMike's badges.
 

This article has been selected as an Editor’s Choice report. Articles are selected based on quality of writing, audience response, newsworthiness and originality, and is at the discretion of the MyNews24 editors.

Breast Implants: The Ugly Truth

21 June 2012, 20:44

Purchasing breast implants is not a decision to be made lightly. This is why it was only after much thorough research and cheap internet advice that I decided to purchase my very own pair; a decision that I have regretted ever since.

I was able to source said implants from an accommodating Mexican website. The delivery and service was proficient, if slightly casual. The product, however, left much to be desired. Firstly they looked nothing like they did in the catalogue. Isn’t that always the case?

The picture in the brochure showed them tastefully attached to a bronze skinned South American woman in her early twenties. She wore them well, each one crowned with an areola the size and color of a Romany cream and a nipple as delectable as a Petit Rouge grape.

What I received, however, were two clear jellies, absolutely tasteless (I mean that figuratively and literally, not nearly the caramel delight I had been anticipating.) Where was my Brazilian Beauty? A terrible thought struck me. What if she had been lost by the South African Postal Service?

 Somewhere between Tijuana and the Eastern Coast of South Africa was a breastless Mail-order Mexican at the mercy of God knew what third-world post office thugs. Surely the parcel was some sort of message, but what? I searched the box for a ransom note or other indicator of skullduggery: nothing.

I could only assume that they had the rest of her and would return her at a price. My next step was to trace the package back through the convoluted workings of the postal system. No one seemed to know anything, or at least feigned innocence. Surely the culprits would be eagerly awaiting my call?

Almost in hysterics at this point, I called the website from which I had made the purchase, “Listen, I’ve lost her! She’s gone and all I have are her sizeable plastic lumps!”

My outburst was met with a confused, but polite Spanish soliloquy.

“Her lumps, man! Her lumps! Her lovely lady lumps!”

More quick-fire Spanish.

“This is serious, bru! We’re talking about a human life here - a senorita, as it were!”

Nothing but confusion, I would need a translator. Out of desperation I hung up the phone.

Finding a Spanish interpreter in the small town of my residence is proving somewhat challenging. A week has passed, but I have not given up hope. My search continues and every day I gaze upon the sad silicone blobs that now reside on the shelf above my writing desk as a reminder to stay strong, to persevere, and to never ever give up on that poor, beautiful woman awaiting my rescue.

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
5 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Wayne Russell
Consequences for misbehaviour

I attended primary and high school in the Eastern Cape. I remember receiving jacks from teachers and administrators until Grade 10. Not many smacks, but enough to recall a few. Read more...

9 comments 848 views
Dat Plane in Ukraine, Putin & a C...

As a last word... I crack myself up! Hysteria is the only option. Read more...

11 comments 341 views
Submitted by
Rools
Submitted by
Soka Mthembu
Submitted by
Lion87
A Letter to Danny Jordaan

The administration are so incompetent it makes the ANC seem like the excellence of the Swiss!  Read more...

17 comments 2211 views
Traveller from Kasi

Let’s just face it, travelling can be a bliss. Read more...

9 comments 494 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Magical Massinga

Spend 5 nights at the gorgeous Massinga Beach Lodge in Mozambique and only pay for 4 from R13 220 per person sharing. Includes return flights, accommodation, transfers and romantic turndown. Book now!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

Up to 60% off - clearance sale!

Save up to 60% on appliances, books, electronics, toys, movies and more. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Deal of the Week!

Get bestselling John Green novels now just R99 each! Hurry and get yours while stocks last. Shop here.

Mind blowing deals on beauty & fragrances

Save up to 30% off beauty and fragrances. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

Up to 50% off hair care products!

Save up to 50% on professional hair care products at kalahari.com. Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

30% off academic books

Score a mind blowing 30% off academic books! Offer valid while stocks last. Shop now!

OLX Free Classifieds [change area]

Samsung Galaxy s4

Mobile, Cell Phones in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 24

Best bargain in big bay

Real Estate, Houses - Apartments for Sale in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

VW Golf 6, 1.6 Trendline (Excellent condition)

Vehicles, Cars in South Africa, Western Cape, Cape Town. Date October 25

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2014 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.








Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.