The fancy old-age home in my hood must be doing a brisk trade in dead bodies because they are suddenly advertising premium suites as ‘recently’ available.
Reading between the lines, it appears the cold snap has not only hit the poor folk beneath the bridge, it has also targeted the rich and emptied five luxury suites (all with a sea view) – while no doubt filling the shareholders pockets with a little commission in the process.
And I bet they need every cent, what with the Assisted Living industry being hit by serious internal strife. Like longevity. They complain that people just aren’t dying as fast as they used to.
Well, I’ve been inside that joint before. Visited some rellies on their death bed. Seen the sales lady showing some kids around, shopping on their parents behalf.
“Room 203 doesn’t have a sea view, no, but room 104 does and I think it may even become available soon. In fact I know it will be available soon.”
In a hushed tone: “Insider tip from the matron, she reckons Mrs Hurst is checking out in about a week.”
Checking out where?
More hushed tones: “Broke a hip last month, downhill all the way at that age. Probably leap-frog the frail care centre and straight to Avbob.”
Closing attempt #1 ”Shall I put Dad’s name down on the waiting list”.
There’s a waiting list?
“Oooh you better believe it. But no one knows about room 104, that’s our little secret.”
Closing attempt #2 “Tell you what. If you can manage the paperwork today I can throw in a zimmerframe. We need a R500 000 deposit by the way.”
“What do you mean, ‘you need time to think about it’? If I can be blunt kids, the one thing your dad does not have a lot of, is time.”
Closing attempt #3 “Well, if cost is a factor, kids, we can always stick Dad in a mountain-view room. You see that mini-suite over there, the one on the corner with the afternoon sun? It’s more modestly priced. And guess what, I think we are in luck. Nurse told me just this morning that old Mr Smith has caught pneumonia!”
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