There are so many articles, books and eyewitness accounts of alien life out there, not all of the believers in aliens can be demented, inbred drunks? Right?
So let’s assume there is alien life out there and they do visit our little screwed-up planet from time to time, why is at that only the perverts visit us?
You know those creepy ones that probe their “guest’s” butts. What can be so interesting in the human butt-hole? Or have these aliens discovered that human excrement is a viable energy source?
Maybe they see us the same way we see animals and other natural resources on this planet? We are their flock, they tend to us and harvest our poo, to use as fuel, or maybe even more creepy as a food source. Yuck!
Then we must also consider the delightful story of our very own, Elizabeth Klarer, who claimed to have an alien lover, named Akon. She claimed to have been carried up to the mother ship in orbit, transported to Akon’s home planet of Meton, had carnal relations with him and produced a bouncing baby boy named Ayling, which stayed behind on the planet to be educated, while she came home to planet Earth. The whole experience supposedly took less than four months. For her troubles and some proof of his existence she received a few nifty rocks. It is no great surprise that her son never came to visit.
So not only do we have the Poo-Harvesters, there’s also an alien race out there, out to seduce our women, procreate with them and leaving their alien spawn all over the place.
If there are aliens from the nether regions of our galaxy out there please consider earth as your next holiday destination. The following will unfortunately not be welcome: Anal Probers (my butt is not made for probing), The Seducers (I really do not want to procreate, one of me is enough, that’s what my mother used to say, her exact words were “Thank god there’s only one of you”), The Parasites (something strange attaching itself to my brainstem is really not for me, and our planet has enough parasites already), The Locusts (the eat all the food, destroy the neighbourhood, and when everything is blown to sh*t, they go on their merry way, without leaving a tip). Please remember to keep track of your valuables, stay in groups at all times, and remember to lock your spaceship at all times. Try not to eat our cats and dogs, as we are quite fond of them. Please remember to ask the farmer’s permission before you either mutilate his cows, or perform art in the corn fields. Other than that, welcome to earth and please enjoy your stay.
* Disclaimer: I do not believe in aliens. This article is just for fun and not be taken seriously. Commenting on my mental health and/or offering to pray my demon manifestation will only make you seem more demented than usual. So take your pills and relax.
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