PLEASE NOTE:

MyNews24 is a user-generated section of News24.com. The stories here come from users.

 
Irukandji
 
Comments: 12
Article views: 593
 
 
Latest Badges:



 
View all Irukandji's badges.
 

Can a spermatozoon conceive?

21 January 2014, 07:12

It never fails: just when I think I’m beginning to understand this crazy world, something happens that brings me down to earth. This happened again today at the shopping mall, as I got back to my car.

Found a flyer stuck under my windscreen wiper. (No, Sakkie, not a pilot. It’s those annoying little adverts that they clip under the wiper blades. They’re called: Flyers.)

I ripped it out, got in the car, and read it while waiting for my lovely wife to finish bankrupting us with her excessively compulsive shopping habits. The flyer read:

Help yours to be super strong

Give your little guys a boost of Essentials Oligocare and help them to be swimming champions.”

So there I was, thinking that this must be vitamins that I should buy for one of my granddaughters – the one who loves swimming so much; let’s call her Bernice, shall we?

Sounded interesting, so I read some more:

“Battling to conceive? Help yours be super strong.”

Now to me, the word “conceive,” means one of the following: imagine, visualize, picture, envision, consider, etc.

Again, because I’m such a credulous and naive old fart, I thought the advert meant something along this line: “Are you battling to conceive/imagine/visualize/picture your granddaughter becoming a super strong swimming champion?”

This was when the wife comes up, gets in the car, and asks: “What’s that you’re reading?”

Giving her the flyer, I said: “It’s just an advert for vitamins that we should buy for Bernice to improve her swimming.”

She finished reading the ad, and just as we passed under the boom at the parking garage, she quietly said just five words: “You are such an idiot.”

(She often flatters me with compliments like this. Isn’t love a wonderful thing?)

“Here it says: ‘Giving you stronger nutritional support for a better chance of conceiving.’ Didn’t you see that?”

“Of course, dear,” I said. “But I can quite easily conceive/imagine/visualize/picture Bernice becoming a swimming champion.”

“You are such an idiot!” (She was flattered me again.) “This product is supposed to boost your sperm and make it easier to conceive!”

(I thought about this while weaving in and out of the traffic – as usual, trying to avoid being killed by the taxis. Finally it dawned on me; in this case, they were talking about “conceiving” in the pregmatic way – like when females became “expecting,” after they’ve been positively inseminated and impregnated, at the same time.)

“OK. You’re so clever,” I said. “Have you ever heard of a male conceiving? This company, Essentials Oligocare, is obviously scamming REAL MEN, like me, with false adverting. Even super strong spermatozoons, like mine, will never become pregmatic, no matter how hard they try to conceive.”

That got her…

She just turned away, stared out the window, and mumbled something that sounded like: “Why me Lord?"

PS  You know me. I’m always reading up on a lot of things that I know nothing about. That’s why I know nothing about a lot of things. I read up on Oligocare, and found that, by using big words, they’re trying to confuse Sakkie and me. Here’s what I found:

Oligocare Indications: “Prevention of oxidative injury to sperm as well as improvement in spermatogenesis.” (In other words: it will prevent your sperm from rusting and improve their knowledge of the Bible; hence the reference to Genesis.)

This is followed by what seems to be the words of an ancient curse: “Oligospermia, asthenospermia / asthenozoospermia, teratospermia / teratozoospermia, idiopathic male subfertility and androgen deficiency.”

Dangerous stuff, indeed!

I don’t think I’ll be buying this product in the near future. At my age, it’s not a good thing to conceive…

Disclaimer: All articles and letters published on MyNews24 have been independently written by members of News24's community. The views of users published on News24 are therefore their own and do not necessarily represent the views of News24. News24 editors also reserve the right to edit or delete any and all comments received.
 

Read News24’s Comments Policy

24.com publishes all comments posted on articles provided that they adhere to our Comments Policy. Should you wish to report a comment for editorial review, please do so by clicking the 'Report Comment' button to the right of each comment.

Comment on this story
12 comments
Add your comment
Comment 0 characters remaining

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
ruffieb
Why are you leaving?

The Question that African Presidents Do Not Want To Ask. Read more...

11 comments 968 views
Submitted by
ProJusticio
Why I am not full of CRAP

I accept the person in front to me as an equal human until he or she does something to change that perception.  Read more...

25 comments 442 views
Submitted by
pieterpompies
I, Human

I have, over the past few years, glanced at various secular humanist websites, and have found that my personal life philosophy is very much aligned with their goals - almost to a tee. Read more...

56 comments 572 views
Submitted by
Kurt Ellis
Gangs in Durban

Like most people who watched Carte Blanche this Sunday, I was flabbergasted by the comments of Brigadier Sayers, who stated that there are no gang activities in Wentworth. That the four drive-by shootings that occurred on Christmas day were just part of general festive activities. Read more...

2 comments 882 views
Submitted by
Gabriel Wired
Religion: A gift to the Apex Crea...

Quite simply - for a while now I have been watching with interest Atheists, Agnostics and “Those of Religion” tear into each other showing little respect or sympathy for the other’s standing. Read more...

74 comments 1245 views
Submitted by
Laubcher van Zyl
Betty's Bay fires

Fire has been raging in Bettys Bay in the Overstrand for more than 48 hours now Read more...

0 comments 1059 views

Jobs in Cape Town [change area]

Property [change area]

Travel - Look, Book, Go!

Kalahari.com - shop online today

40% off top appliances!

Save 40% on the top 10 appliances on kalahari.com. While stocks last. Shop now!

Save 20% on Camping gear!

Buy 4 camping items and save 20%. While stocks last. Shop now!

Fifty Shades of Grey!

This great read will captivate you from cover to cover and leave you itching for more. Get your copy now!

20% off braai items!

Save 20% when you buy 2 braai items. While stocks last. Shop now!

30% off Pampers!

Save 30% when you buy 3 or more selected pampers products. While stocks last. Shop now!

 

services

E-mail Alerts The latest headlines in your inbox

RSS feeds News delivered really simply.

Mobile News24 on your mobile or PDA

E-mail Newsletters You choose what you want

News24 on your iPhone Get News24 headlines on your iPhone.

SMS Alerts Get breaking news stories via SMS.

Blogs Your opinion on you, me and everyone.

Calais Website keywords automated by OpenCalais.

 
Interactive Advertising Bureau
 
© 2015 24.com. All rights reserved.
There are new stories on the homepage. Click here to see them.
 
English
Afrikaans
isiZulu

Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Settings

Location Settings

News24 allows you to edit the display of certain components based on a location. If you wish to personalise the page based on your preferences, please select a location for each component and click "Submit" in order for the changes to take affect.




Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.