I got a dog and I kept it inside where it was nice and peaceful. The dog was lonely so I got him a bitch to play with. I was good to the dogs because I loved the dogs and the dogs loved me.
But I told the dogs, you bark just once and I will throw you out.
Now the cat teased the dogs and the bitch barked at the cat, for it was in the nature of dogs to bark. I knew when I got the dog that it would bark because, well, I know everything about dogs and I am the best dog owner - ever.
So for this original bark I threw the dogs out into the cold; made sure that every time a bitch gave birth she would experience extreme pain; made dogs and cats hate each other; removed the voice box from and the cat and also cut the cat's legs off for good measure.
Now the dog continued to breed and had many puppies that I loved soo much because they were soo cute. But if any of the dogs barked, or even thought about barking I dipped them in petrol and set them on fire and I made sure not to put the fire out no matter how much they screamed and whined.
Oh I loved them, them and their puppy breath and big floppy ears.
I tried to train them but they kept on barking so I drowned all of them except for a small group which I interbred to re-populate with. Then I felt sad because I killed so many, but they deserved it, oh that and so much more, and because I loved them so much I promised not to drown all of them again. I even made a big colorful sign to remind me not to drown them.
But I could still burn them.
There was this one time that there were these two packs that kept on barking, so I set the lot on fire except for one called Lot, but I still destroyed his mate because she barked once. So I let him breed with his offspring as compensation. All I wanted was for them to love me and not bark.
But they kept on barking, so I set a heap more on fire - I even made a special place where I can burn them but not destroy them so the burn lasts longer.
I like fire.
The above story is a parable; I would never do any of the things listed here to my dogs or any creature no matter how much they do not listen to me.
If there was a celestial SPCA I think God would have his pet license revoked.
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